I'd Rather Feel Pain Than Nothing At All.

Chapter Four!

This is dedicated to xEMILYX

:)

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Chapter Four.

Three Months Later.

It’s been three months since Mason’s death, but I still can’t seem to get over it. I have gotten better at faking my feelings. I put a smile on my face and make it seem like everything is going okay, but deep down I know it’s not. Ever since Mason’s death I haven’t been me. I’m like a robot. I do everything I’m supposed to, but I don’t put any emotion into anything, anymore. I’m trying so hard to actually feel something, anything emotionally, but I can’t do it.

Damon has been a big part of my life these past three months. He has helped me get through the agonizing days. Ever since the night we kissed it hasn’t been the same between us. We both want a relationship, but we know I’m not ready for anything close to that, so nothing has happened between us. My sister, Katie and I have been getting closer. She has also been helping me through everything. Instead of going out with her friends she stays home with me. I guess you could say that there is a growing bond between us.

I decided I needed a little retail therapy, so I asked Katie if she wanted to go shopping.

We went to my favorite store and spent hours upon hours shopping. Katie got a cute Pink and Black dress with sequins aligning the neckline, while I got dozens of shirts. Shopping just makes me feel so much better. Our legs started to hurt so Katie suggested we get Smoothies.

“I love you so much, Annie!” Katie said.

“I love you, too, Katie. Thank you for being here with me through everything. You’re a great sister, you really are, and I know we haven’t gotten along in the past, but you’re quickly becoming my best friend.”

I tried to fight the tears but that was a battle I couldn’t win. I felt the first trickle down my cheek and then dozens. I just couldn’t stop. Katie rushed to my side and hugged me.

“That was so sweet. You’re my best friend, too. I’m not going anywhere, Annie. I’m staying by your side until the end.” Katie smiled

That instantly made me feel better knowing I’ll always have my sister.

****

I pushed the door open holding it for Katie, and then started walking to the car together.

I started the car and not even five seconds later Katie had on my favorite song. We started singing together;

“I feel irrational

So confrontational

To tell the truth I am

Getting away with murder

It isn’t possible

To never tell the truth

But the reality is I’m getting away with murder” [Papa Roach.]

The song ended and by that time we were getting weird looks from other people in their cars. We started laughing hysterically.

“Do you believe in fate?” Katie asked me.

The question caught me a little off guard.

“Um, honestly I don’t believe in anything anymore.” I said sadly.

“That’s too bad.” She said staring off into space.

“Why?” I ask.

“I don’t know. I was just thinking about a boy.”

I grin. “Awe! My little sister is in love!”

“No I’m not! Anyways, so there is this party tonight, and I was wondering if you and I could go?”

Am I really ready for a party? You know what I deserve to have some fun sometimes. I’m going to go tonight and I’m going to have fun.

“Yeah sure. I think it would be fun!” I say.

“Really? Are you serious?” Katie asks with a look of pure shock on her face.

“I’m very serious.” I say laughing.

****

The music was deafeningly loud, Everyone’s body pressed against each other dancing. It was a party. I hadn’t been to one in ages.

I walked over to the bar and people I didn’t know were doing shots.

“Wanna do it with us?” A very intoxicated girl asked me.

“Why not?” I ask laughing.

-Two Hours Later-

“Can we go yet?” I hear Katie ask.

“Yeah. Hold on I want one more drink.” I said and turn to Katie.

Dang, I must be really drunk. Everything is just one big blur.

“No, Annie. We’re leaving now.” She said firmly while grabbing my hand and leading me outside.

“You ruin all the fun, party-pooper.” I stick out my tongue at her.

“Whatever. You’re having too much fun. Give me your keys so I can drive. You’re too drunk.”

“Nope, Katie. I’m fine. I will drive home.”

“Okay whatever, just don’t kills us.”

I started the engine and pulled out.

I stopped at a red light. Well, barely stopped. I couldn’t tell if it was green or red until Katie screamed at me to stop.

This red light took an unnaturally long time to turn green, but it finally did.

I started swerving a little, but got it under control.

I stopped at a stop sign and pulled out and within a split second I heard Katie scream, It all happened so fast. I never saw the car. I never meant for it to happen, any of it. We should’ve never gone to that party.

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