If I Die Young (SVU One Shot)

1

Olivia sat there next to the toilet, pouring her stomach contents into it. She put all her energy into clinging to the toilet as if it were some type of stress relief. She thought she was finished until another wave of nausea came over her, crying as yellow bile burned her throat as it came up.

I can't do this anymore, she thought.

In the beginning she wanted to fight this. She was motivated and determined to beat it. But after weeks of chemo and radiation, she started to rethink it. Was it really worth the fight? Olivia nearly lost all her hair, she weighed as much as a hundred pounds, if not less, and her face had sunken in so much that she resembled a skeleton. She wanted- no, needed this to end.

One way or the other.

Elliot entered the bathroom. "Babe- oh my g-" He rushed to her side and rubbed soothing circles on her back, feeling completely helpless. He hated to see his wife that way. All he wanted, all he's ever wanted, was to take her pain away. He'd even be willing to go through this himself if it meant making her better.

When Olivia was finished, Elliot picked her up and held her close to his chest. She muzzled enough strength to wrap her frail arms around his neck and whisper, "El, I'm tired now."

That comment hit Elliot like a freight train, stopping him in his tracks. No, Olivia couldn't give up! He needed her! He needed her to survive. There was no way he could live and raise their daughter on his own. Olivia was everything he wasn't. She was a part of him. Without her there was no Elliot Stabler.

Olivia was Elliot.

He sighed and sat down in his recliner, pulling her close to him and stroking what was left of her hair. "Don't talk like that, Liv. You're gonna make it," Elliot kissed her temple. "You have to."

Olivia's mind went back to the last time he told her she'd make it. It was the day she found out that she had breast cancer.

She sat there, picking at her nails, waiting impatiently for the doctor to walk in. It had been a long two weeks waiting for the test results to come back. Olivia knew something was wrong with her. She tried to fight it, but deep down inside, she knew. She knew that whatever it was, it couldn't be good.

Minutes passed by and suddenly the door creaked open revealing the white robed doctor. He had his clipboard neatly tucked under his arm and an envelope. The doctor inched further into the room, seemingly moving at a slow pace as if he were avoiding something. He came to a steady halt right in between Olivia and Elliot.

Instinctively Elliot got up and held his wife's hand. He could feel the nervousness radiating from her body. The way she clung to his hand, the way her sweaty palms rubbed against his explained everything without having said a word.

"Well?" Olivia demanded.

"I'm so sorry, Mrs. Stabler, but... the test results came back and there's no easy way to say this, but.... but you have stage four breast cancer."

Olivia listened as the piercing silence fell amongst the three. Along with the wave of shock and the heat behind her eyes, she felt vulnerable. She didn't like feeling vulnerable. Olivia wanted to let the tears fall, but no way would she do that. Instead she swallowed the lump in her throat and asked, "H-how long do I have?"

"Well," he paused. "from what I can see, about five months, six at the most."

Both Elliot and Olivia's heart fell to the bottom of their stomachs. How could they go on without each other? How could Olivia leave Elliot? How could she leave their daughter? What would their daughter do?