Unwanted- A Felicite Tomlinson Fanfic

Part 30

If it is 11 o'clock at night where you guys are do not read this is you have anxiety, an eating disorder, depression, suffer from self harm, are suicidal, or suffer from any other disorder. I don't want this chapter to be the cause of any type of trigger, even if it is a small trigger. I mean everyone is different and this may or may not be a trigger chapter for you but you never know. So please read this when it's day, when the demons are gone and you are feeling fine. I love and care about you all and want what's best for you. <3 

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When I woke up the next morning I saw a note by my bed. It read: Dear Felecite, 

I took the twins and Lottie to the park and we are going out for lunch. The lads decided to tag along. Well, all except Harry. I'm sorry, I didn't want to wake you, you looked very tired. I hope you understand. I'll make it up to you, maybe we can go somewhere. Just the two of us. If you need anything Harry is there to help. Love you lots, Lou

I smiled at his note, glad he had let me sleep for once. It was just like him to worry about me and want to make it up to me. My brother was sweet. I left my room and walked down the stairs of the giant house.

I wasn't exactly sure where I was going or what I was doing. I was nearly to the door when Harry stopped me. "Good morning love, thought you'd never wake up! Would you like something to eat?" "Oh no. I'm fine." I said quickly. But my stomach betrayed me and growled loudly.

I quickly hung my head in shame. "Um..." I said slowly. I was scared. "Listen love, if you are hungry why not eat? Trust me, it's better in the end." I had almost forgotten Harry had struggled with an eating disorder as well.

"Let me tell you a little story." Harry said with a low raspy voice. "When I was young I was just your average guy. I had fun and joked around. Life was good. Right before I auditioned for the X Factor I had a serious breakup with my girlfriend. She called me all sorts of horrible things but something that really stuck with me was when she called me overweight. But you know what Felecite? I wasn't overweight at all. In fact, I was the type of guy who could eat pounds of food and not gain anything. And my parents complained about the amount of food I ate as well."

Harry continued. "After I became famous I heard the same thing from fans. I heard it so often I believed it. I began skipping meals. I'd drop pounds every week but was never satisfied. Louis and I were rooming together at the time. He noticed that I was 'never hungry' and figured something was up. When he studied me for two days he learned my secrets and confronted me. I tried to deny it but he proved his point when he set a plate of food in front of me and told me to eat. My stomach was to small to digest it all. I was just so used to the feeling of going hungry. Louis gradually made me eat more. He told me I was skinny as a rail."

"Finally I was forced to go to extreme measures. I made myself throw up the food. That all worked for a while. But then Louis accidentally walked in one day...He truly cared about me and didn't want to see me going through this. I remember him crying and holding me. I cried with him. It was a really scary time for me Felecite. But Louis helped me research low fat foods and I got to expand my cooking skills. I gradually trained myself to eat more. I'm telling you this because I don't want to watch you go through that. Sure it will be hard and you will relapse but it's worth it. And Louis loves you far too much."

I looked up at Harry and started crying. Yes, crying. Right then and there. He hugged me. "Harry but I can't eat! If I eat they will call me fat." "If you don't you will die. And I know it's hard but some day you have to learn to ignore them. You have to learn to ignore everyone. Trust me, I have lots of very rude fans to deal with." "But I want to die..." I said slowly.

Harry now looked very serious. "Are you suicidal?" He asked me. I honestly never thought I was. But I suppose I am. "Yes." I whispered slowly. I could tell he wasn't sure what to do. He slowly lifted up my sleeve. I closed my eyes, knowing there was nothing I could do to stop him. I heard the familiar gasp I often get when people lift up my sleeve.

He lifted my chin so that my eyes were locked with his. It was a bit scary actually. "Felecite listen. I can't imagine exactly what you are going through. My parents were never like yours. Although they did get divorced. But please just hang in there. We all have to hold on to the hope that it gets better. But there will be some down points along the way. Louis would be crushed without you. How would the twins feel? They are only nine. And Lottie may be older than you but she looks up to you. People need you and honesty no one would be happy you died. The kids at school are just jealous you are related to Louis."

I nodded through the tears. "I guess you're right Harry." He smiled and handed me a piece of fruit. I took a bite. One step closer to recovery. If Harry could do it so could I.