Ruby's Painful Pray

It is so painful.I don't want to hurt. I'm in a dark labyrinth, alone with no light to guide me. Sitting on my couch holding my bible in my right-hand craving for a healing of my tremendously awful feelings. While in my left hand is yellow paper with heart-wrenching words, I wish weren't true. I'm a mess with my tear-stained face, red eyes, leaking nose and all the tissues that surround me. I know I will see him again when I leave this world but I'll miss him until then. I wish I could get the days back where he would be able to come back home to me unharmed and safe. I wish these painful feelings were non-existent.

My miserable inner dialog is interrupted by growls of my stomach. I look up at the clock to see it is 2:00. I decide that I'll eat something because I haven't eaten anything since I woke up. I walk to the refrigerator to look inside and what is revealed is a red rose and red velvet cake with frosted words that stab my heart a million times over. I gradually move my hand over my mouth and widened my eyes as I am on the verge of bawling my eyes out again. With my other hand, I grab the rose and pull it closed to me. As I sluggishly turn and put my back to the wall that was next to the refrigerator, not bothering to close the refrigerator door, I sit down and bury my head in my knees. Tears and memories of him calling out my name, "Ruby, Ruby" consume me. Letting my stomach roar on for food to fill itself.

"Why? Lord Why? Why did you take him? Was it his time to go be with you? What about our daughters Kate and Lily they are going to miss him so much." I know all the answers to these questions I ask. I just want to deny the facts of what happened. "Dear Lord", I utter in a weak voice to the world with a start pray because I didn't know what else to do with my pain. "I need your help right now more than ever. I know that your good and I know you're taking great care of him up there. I pray that My daughters and I won't stray from your path Lord. That we will stay strong in you and know that we are not alone. We need you, Lord, to help us though are distress Lord because you are great in power. In Jesus name, I pray Amen." Just a few minutes after I finish I hear a door open and two voices shout, "I'm home". Knowing that my daughters I get up slowly and shuffle towards the front door. "Hi Mom!" my daughters Kate exclaimed. "Girls we need to sit down and talk." I sorrowfully imply. " Why? Is Dad coming home today instead of tomorrow." My other daughter Lili answers excitedly. I have to say the words the words that were opposite from what they wanted to hear and what was on the cake they baked last night for him. Lili now notices my tears as more keep coming faster and faster. "I am sorry guys. But dad is not coming home today, and not ever again." I watch as they fall to their knees and start bawling like me. That night we fill the house with tears. The next day in pray and search our bible in hopes to find answers.