If I Break

May 10th, 2008

"Lauren Brooks is wearing one of the newest dresses from the House of Angela. This stylish ebony gem is perfect for a hot date, business affair, or even a sophisticated gala. The top of the dress with sequined fabric gives this vintage silhouette a modern twist, while still keeping the garment classic. Her dress features a flocked sequined sweetheart neckline, a deep V back with invisible zippered closure, and flattering split to get any red-blooded man's juices flowing," Hillary announces in her Joan Rivers voice.

Angela and I die of laughter.

Hillary taps me warningly. "Stop, you're going to wrinkle," she scolds me, still in her faux fashion-extraordinaire persona. "Do a spin for us, darling."

"Work it, girl," Angela howls, supporting the foolishness.

I begrudgingly oblige, rolling my eyes at their whistles and catcalls.

"Lauren Brooks, you look so fucking hot right now!" Hillary exclaims, returning to her normal self.

"I'm going to the anniversary of an art museum. Hot isn't exactly what I was going for," I joke as I keep my focus on the mirror. I must say, the dress is exquisite. Angela came over to work her magic on my hair, giving me deep, romantic curls. And after much scolding, I was able to tone Hillary's dramatic smoky eye down to a comfortable highlight.

"She means you look absolutely fabulous," laughs Angela.

I look back and see Hillary going through my purse. "Hillary, what are you doing?"

"Making sure you have all the essentials," she says in a matter-of-fact tone. "Makeup, gum, wallet, keys... Lauren, do you not know you're forgetting something muy importante?"

Angela and I look at her with curious expressions.

"Where are the condoms?" she demands.

"Oh... I don't have any condoms," I say plainly.

"Exactly!" she states.

I roll my eyes at her. "It's not like I'm going to need them."

"Oh, come on, I've seen the man. You'll need them." She winks.

I playfully snatch my bag from her.

"And you remember what almost happened last time," says Angela in a sing-song voice as she flops on my bed.

I ignore them both, trying unsuccessfully to make this little black dress a few inches longer.

"Hey, stop that." Hillary swats my hand.

"So what does he do? Is he in school?" asks Angela.

"She doesn't know." Hillary laughs mockingly.

"You don't know? What the hell is that supposed to mean?" asks Angela, confused.

I open my mouth to defend myself, but Hillary jumps in. "That's what lust will do to you..."

Angela laughs. The phone rings, and my heart skips a beat.

Angela's closest, so she picks it up. "Hello? She'll be right down." She gives me a wide grin. "The limo is heeeeere."

I take a deep breath and glance at myself in the mirror once more.

"You look fine!" they yell in unison.

I grab my purse, and we all head out the door. Once we get downstairs, there is a beautiful black Town Car with the driver waiting by the door.