The Shewolf

~~~~>>Zoey<<~~~~

Maybe it was the fact that I shifted that caused my mothers premature death.

I think that might have been it - Or maybe that I was the spitting image of my older sister... My older dead sister. The sister I had accidentally killed.

Or maybe it was fate - Her destiny.

Whatever it was I felt like it was my own fault even though she told me it wasn't.

She had such a lovely forgiving nature and beautiful smile. Her eyes were an enticing bright green with lovely blond curly hair which bounced when she walked. She used to look after me, clean me and dress me.

But most of all she loved me.

When she died the whole family was numb.

Ever since mum died Dad was unresponsive. He had a blank look in his eyes that told me he didn't want to live and there seemed to be a wall around him. He never opened up, even when he was home, just me and him.

He didn't blame for mum's death - He had told me himself his exact words were 'We are all destined for a different paths, it's just that your mum's path was shorter.' But I don't think he meant it. He was like a CD on replay.

Mine and dad's relationship wasn't real, he didn't love me the way a father should love a daughter and vice-versa. There was no love in our relationship. The only reason my Dad hadn't left me to die on the edge of a cliff was because of Mum's wish.

That wish being him to look after me.

My dad had never hurt me physically. He wouldn't dare disrespect mum's dying wish, but he had hurt me mentally. The fact he showed no love towards me hurt - That showed he was only with me because of mum.

I also knew he was cold to me because of my sister. The fact that I looked so much like her but I wasn't the same person, I wasn't as perfect or as incredibly smart as she was. The fact that I killed her only added to the problem. I had not done it intentionally but that wasn't relevant to Dad, I thought he had forgiven me, like Mum had, but now I realize that had been a show - He had hidden the hate he held for me and after mum died he let it show.

But I think main reason was because I shifted. I couldn't be normal or left alone without protection. I couldn't go to school or bless him with a bigger family the way my sister, Katie, would have been able to.

I remember the day that we stood in the cemetery together and watched numbly as mum's coffin was placed in the ground.

I remember crying for weeks because every time I looked in the mirror not only could I see her eyes look back at me, I could see Katie's as well, they told me how guilty I was. I still avoid looking at myself as much as possible.

It still hurts, like a gap in my chest, my breathing falters and my eyes water.

I know its stupid, it was 11 years ago but some feelings don't age.

People can say a lot of things, they can influence you - big crowds can push you into uncomfortable things you don't want to do. Some people try make you think differently about the reason for something happening...

Let's says the reason behind a mother's death.

Despite the different reasoning people had came up with to explain the cause of my mother's death, I still considered it my own fault.

It was my curse that brought it upon her; my curse that killed her. Because I was a Shifter.

I was a girl and a Shifter, I was not meant to exist. My mum said it was fate, just like she said that her death was fate, but I don't believe in fate.

I guess me not understanding fate meant I didn't understand I had a mate.

I guess that's why I ran...

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