Tyler entered my life as if he had always been there; it was almost surreal, the way he came and approached me and made a joke and the next and the next and I couldn't stop laughing. There was a second date, then a third, and I knew that there would be no one else, ever, that could be like him.
His smell made me think of home. His voice made me calm and relaxed. His hobbies were like mine and he care about all those little, weird things that I cared about.
He was not my type physically, but no matter if you are man or woman - someday you will find that the physical doesn't matter and that there is an attraction deeper than the physical, an attraction that you can neither stop nor increase, an attraction that just lives like a silent flame in the basement right below your heart. It got warm, hot even, when he came closer. His touch made me tingle, his words made me bite my lips.
Like a little girl, a fifteen or sixteen year old, in love for the first time; that's what I felt like. That's what I was. Mentally and emotionally reduced to the level of an early teen. I was there for him, and only for him.
His anger made me sad and made my heart explode. Not that he was angry often; not that he was angry ever - It was just the things that I did.
I was too close to Chris, every boyfriend would have thought that way. Chris was a friend, I told Tyler that many times, a friend, not more, but Tyler couldn't stop himself. He said that I cared too much about him; he said that he knew that Chris could make me cry and laugh and that only Tyler should make me cry and laugh.
Chris understood. He said it was okay. He said he would be there for me if I ever needed him - and Tyler wasn't there when Chris said that, but still he knew. Still Tyler knew that part of my hear was with Chris.
If you ask me where the wedge started - it was there and then, with Chris.
I wanted to do everything; I would have given my life and sold my soul, just to be with him. But I couldn't sell my friends; those that had laughed and cried with me so many times.
Tyler always had ideas and plans. It was hard to stay in touch with my friends.
He was so spontaneous; so creative. He always knew what I would love; as if he knew my deepest thoughts; the things that I would never tell any human. Just my cat because cats don't care and don't judge, they just sit and ignore you while you whisper or speak or shout. Trippi never cared about my emotions. She cared about food and sometimes a few hugs or head-scratchings.
Trippi knew my secrets, those that I would never have told even Tyler. But that was the magic about him: There was no need to tell; no need to say a word. He just knew what I feared and what I wanted and what I loved and missed.
"I want to be treated like a princess," I told Trippy. "I want to be loved and protected."
Tyler was like a better Trippy, a Trippy that didn't even need to listen but rather read my wishes straight from my mind.
Tyler. His name even, just soft and warm. When I think about him all I rememeber is how good he made me feel for so long.
I hadn't told him about Daniel. I hadn't told hi about the past that we shared - and yet Tyler seemed to know. He must have known. There's just no other way to explain his anger when I said I would go home and see an old friend.
Old friend. Is that some sort of code that I didn't know of?
"I know why you're going home," he said. "You want to leave me."
"I never would."
"You want to leave me to die."
"What?"
