Everything Has Changed

The boys walked off the stage after another great concert, adrenaline pumping through their veins. "Hey boys, how about we go out and celebrate the last of our tour in America?" Louis suggested smiling at the boys.

Niall, Liam, and Zayn were quick to agree, but Harry hesitated. "Why don't you guys just go without me I'm really not feeling the best."

"Aw. Harry. You aren't feeling well?" Louis said looking sadly at Harry. "Why don't I just stay in with you too tonight?"

"Oh! No. Louis it's fine go out with the boys and have fun I'll probably just lay down and go to sleep." Harry said moving to walk to his room.

Louis grabbed his arm stopping him. "Wait. Harry."

"Louis, really it's fine go have fun." Harry said smiling reassuringly.

"Only if you're sure." Louis said looking skeptical.

"Of course I'm sure, Lou." Harry said trying to be positive.

In Harry's fantasy world Louis would lay down with him and cuddle him all night. But in reality Louis was going to go out with the boys and have fun and probably call Eleanor and make plans with her, while Harry went back to his and Louis' hotel room, cut till his pain went away, and cry himself to sleep.

Louis finally agreed and walked away with the boys. Once Louis was too far for Harry to see his happy demeanor crumbled. The tears sprang in Harry's eyes. He wiped them away with the back of his hand walking to his hotel room.

For a minute after he was in the room he thought maybe he wouldn't do it. Maybe tonight he wouldn't cut. He wouldn't take a blade to his milky white skin. Maybe he wouldn't cry himself to sleep. Maybe tonight he would be his old self. Then he remebered Louis and the boys where out and he was alone. Of course it was by his own choice, but I just didn't feel as if there was anything to celebrate anymore.

I walked to the small bathroom connected to my room, where my razor and other neccesities were. I picked up the razor looking in the mirror. I barely recognized my own reflection anymore. When did I become this.. hollow shell of what I use to be. I used to be happy.

I picked up the razor rolling up my sleeves to reveal other cuts, some old some new. My hands began shaking, I really couldn't explain exactly why I cut. I just know one day I was freaking out the razor was there and I just did. It felt so good. The pain was a kinda.. pleasure. Taking the blade accross my skin cutting deeper and over and over again seemed to bring me back to reality.

The first time I cut was after Louis told me he and Eleanor were dating and in love. Not to say that the other boys didn't know about the more than just friendly feelings I had towards Louis, its just that Louis didn't know. Whats ironic is I had actually planned to tell Louis about my feelings the day he told me about his relationship with Eleanor.

I guess when he told me a part of me broke. After I congratulated him on his new realationship I stumbled into the bathroom in my room where I proceeded to have one of the worst panic attacks I've ever had. I tried taking deep breaths and it just didn't seem to be working when I reached forward and accidently cut my hand on a razor that was carlessly laid on the sink counter.

The momentary pain seemed to bring me back to reality, so I picked up the razor and made a mark on my wrist. The pain was excruciating the first time, but as I made more marks; as my body became numb to the pain and my head cleared.

None of the boys knew I cut, that was a secret I intended to keep to myself. The boys thought I had moved on from Louis, that it had just been a little 'crush'. I even attempted to make a go of a realationship with Taylor Swift, but when I was with her I was just tempted to cut more. When I was with her I was just reminded more that she wasn't Louis and she never would be. Needless to say our relationship, if you could even call it that ended quickly.

After my flashback down memory lane my eyes refocused on the mirror tears now starting to stream down my face as I remembered exactly why I was in here alone. I moved the razor over my left wrist making two marks across, moving to make the third mark I heard something unexpected. I heard a door open and Louis' voice call out my name.

I moved to put the razor down when the bathroom door opened and I was meet with Louis' smiling face, turning into a frown when he noticed my wrist. Shit!