For 5 very long years I was an internet dater. Being a small town gal with limited options this seemed to be the way to go. Most of my dates were average run of the mill but, there were a few that will forever make me cringe at the thought of them. Here is the story of one such date.
He (we'll call him Bob), contacted me through a dating site. He had no picture on his profile, but he sounded funny and was well written, so I responded. We e-mailed back and forth for about a week, and then im'ed and phoned for another 2 wks. He seems intelligent, funny, and sane...still no pic but he tells me he's tall dark and handsome...YUM. We finally set the time for our first date. Mind you he lives almost an hour away, but was willing to drive to meet me. We agree to meet at 7 pm on a friday. He shows up at almost 9:00 pm. I'm easy going so I shrug it off.(foolish girl). He gets out of his car.. remember tall dark and handsome??? I'm 5'2 wearing 2 inch heels.. we met eye to eye. So much for the tall. Dark? can we say really bad spray tan?? Handsome? Yes I know we should not judge one on looks alone, but come on people.. he had brillo pad hair that looked like it hadn't been washed in a week, missing a few teeth(in the front) and one eye looking off to the left while he was looking me in the eye.(YIKES)
I'm a stand up gal, and would never deliberately hurt anyones feelings so I'm game for the date. We get in his car and much to my dismay, he happens to be a hands on kinda guy(let me out!). After about a half an hour of driving and hearing the same thing over and over.."so, do you like me?", we finally find a little mom and pop place to eat. While we're on our way to the table he tells the waitress that this is the first of many dates for us..(jack and coke anyone?)We order our meal and while i'm trying to eat my appetizer he keeps staring me in the eye(remember one wanders off). I excuse myself to go to the ladies room(looking for a back way out). I come back and he's smiling at me like a goon. " I have a surprise for you" he says. Just then I hear music coming on and someone on a mic talking about it's time for Kareoke . I think i swallowed my tongue . I hear his name called to come on up! Sweet man that he is, he dedicates this song to the "new love" in his life. The song is You Light up My Life and he's doing it in high falsetto and very off key. I was literally trying to crawl under the table. I couldn't take any more! When he gets back to the table, I lie and tell h im we have to get me home, I had forgotten to take some meds and was getting a migraine. All the way him.. "so do you like me?", "what would you like to do tomorrow?" , do you like me?", we should do something sunday!" Think of a broken record stuck on on track. We finally get back to my place and I can't get out of the door fast enough! I thank him for dinner and start to walk away , when he tells me he needs to use the rest room. Remember he lives an hour away. I know my roommate is home and he's a male so I figured it would be ok if he used the bathroom.(Yep, I know.. sucker). So he's in my bathroom for like 20 minutes. I'm waiting by the front door to let him out, my roommate is in the living room laughing himself stupid and "Bob" finally comes out. I'm trying to usher him out the door with the usual, it was nice to meet you kinda thing. he grabs me in a hug and I can hear him sniffing me! ACK!! I push him off and out the door! Through the door he tells me he'll call me to make plans for our next date. AS IF!!! Now people.. here is the real kicker of this whole story.. I get up the next morning , check my e-mail and (brace yourselves) I had 30 e-mails from this man! He must have been up most of the night sending the darn things. They were all of the same bent.. you're the woman for me.. do you like me... let's get together as soon as possible kind of thing. The very last e-mail was.. wait for it.... a marriage proposal! Luckily for me it only took a few little fibs from me, a really big mean sounding roomy on the phone and one restraining order for him to get the idea.. NO I did not like him!
