I feel afraid. I feel lost. And I feel alone. I feel as though my life is going in a downwards spiral and is never going to stop. As I hear the shouts of "me too" come from my classmates, it takes everything I have to hold in the tears that are threatening to rush down my face. I run upstairs, into a random room, and finally allow my tears to fall freely. I don't completely understand what just happened but I do know that I feel worthless. Apparently, these past two years have just been a big fat lie: all of the people who I thought were my friends had just told me they hated me. My reaction might seem over dramatic to some people, but I am a 13 year old girl who just found out that I have no friends. I feel emotions that I'm unable to name, unable to describe. My mind is flooding with so many thoughts right now, yet I can't seem to think. My chest feels like it's getting tighter and I can't breathe. I don't know what's wrong with me, but I do know that I don't like this helpless, almost desperate, feeling. I look out the window, and see everybody else having the time of their lives on the last day of school while I'm up here bawling my eyes out. My gaze soon turns to the ground right beneath the window. My mind starts spinning with thoughts of jumping as a form of revenge, and I begin seriously contemplating this option. I want to look away but I can't; I've just been hurt and want those girls to feel as much pain as I do. My mind is a jumble, and I can't think of anything else but whether or not jumping is worth it. I think of my little sister, my mother: what would they do if they find out I had taken my own life? I'm not sure what to do, so I just sit and think about all of the pain I'm in. I stay in this position for three hours till my driver arrives to take me home. Once I'm in the car, all I can think about is how I was too scared to jump and how much of a coward I am.
I spend the entire night on my own, thinking about what had happened. I make sure that I don't speak to my family for fear of bursting out in tears right in front of them. The scene from earlier that day keeps on replaying in my mind and I wish that I could get rid of it. I wait for sleep to come, thinking that it will be my refuge, but even in sleep I wasn't safe. I dream about everything that had occurred in the past couple of weeks and end up drowning in guilt. I force myself to wake up from this horrible nightmare of my life, and crawl into my mother's bed. I feel cold and alone, but the warmth radiating from her help's to comfort me. I will never tell her what happened to me, but it's nice being this close to her. I stay awake all night feeling cheated out of sleep by a nightmare that represented my life, which is a nightmare itself. I stay in bed till 10:30 the next day, crying and then crying some more, when my mother walks forces me to attend the graduation rehearsal despite my protests. She doesn't budge even though I tell I have a stomachache and a headache, which is not completely false. Apprehensively, I get ready to leave home and also prepare my mind to see the people who had just told me they hated me. I wasn't sure to act or how they were going to act, and I just wanted to stay within the confines of my own home. The closer I get to campus, the heavier my breathing gets. I pray for a miracle but receive none, and soon enough I arrive on campus. I try to steady my breathing as I get out of the car, but I just can't seem to. I feel the tears begin to form around the corners of my eyes and by the time I'm inside the building I can barely see. They notice me walk in on shaky legs. I notice them talking and laughing. They stare at me. I stare at them. They return to having fun as if I wasn't even there. My whole body starts to tremble as I watch going them about their lives as if I didn't even exist. At this point, I've had enough of this treatment and I run up the stairs again, but this time I know exactly where I'm going and why. I run into the same room from yesterday and head towards the window. I look up towards the sky, and without hesitating I jump.
