Dear Bully

Entry #1

Disclaimer:
This story isn't about any certain people because I know people will think that. This is literally a book that I was writing in my express yourself class at school before things happened in my life so before you jump to conclusions, this IS NOT about you or me or anyone, has nothing to do with my life what so ever.

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Dear Bully,
Today something changed within me, something clicked, showing me the world can be bright and colourful and people aren't at all fire breathing dragons. The world has life, trees aren't dead and the grass isn't brown. But flowers emerge from the soil forming an abundance of colour and beauty.

It was her, the new girl. The second I lay eyes on her, warmth travelled around my body leaving goose bumps from head to toe. It was an unusual feeling that I got each time my eyes met hers it was as if everything and everyone surrounding her was a blur and she was the only thing my eyes wanted to focus on. If I didn't freeze up and become so awkward every time I spoke to people, I may have had the courage to welcome her, but my total lack of social skills stopped me. Every time I saw her in the hallway, my heart stopped and I stood frozen allowing my fingers the slightest movement. All the loud noises that would have been created in the hallway of high school students was silenced and the movement seemed a to slow.

Her brown hair swayed from one side to the other as she moved swiftly in the hallway. People, mainly boys were surrounding her, gawking at her beauty. It was clear to me that she was uncomfortable so without thinking I stood beside her and told all of the immature males to get their heads out of the gutter. At the time I regretted the decision to step in because I didn't know what would happen, she could have thought I was weird.. but I guess it worked because Steph introduced herself and now we are talking over messenger.

I don't know her life story yet. I don't really know who she is. All I know is that she is willing to talk to a freak like me. And that is really special because she is the first person I have talked to properly since my mothers death. My mum leaving, creating a hole in my heart that will be untouched. It is now a part of me. My mum died of breast cancer when I was 13 and 3 years later the hole still remains. That love and fullness will never return. My dad has pretty much left me as well. He is clinically depressed and all he ever does all day is sit in his arm chair staring into the distance.. Staring at nothing. Depression is my life now, anxiety controls me and hope is the only thing left to hold on to. I need someone before I break and I believe that someone could be the new girl. The warm bubbly feeling I get when I see her is the feeling I used to get with my mum. I would give everything to resurrect those feelings, to bring bring back that amazing warmth I once felt. To make my mum return.... I live by the fact that mum wouldn't want my life to end this way.

And now I lay on my bed blasting music in my ears to hopefully drown out the sound of nothing. My eyes are also starting to flicker and I assume it is well past my bed time. I guess I learnt today that we shouldn't be afraid to try new things and that new thing for me was confidence.