I had never noticed how beautiful the night was up until now, and it made me feel as if all my problems had completely disappeared; All the arguments, all the scars, all the sleepless nights... All, gone, gone completely.
I lay on the grass in the small park which was at least twenty minutes away from where I live. It was about 11.30pm and I had music on quietly; It was just me, the sky, the stars and my music. It was peaceful - I could've fell asleep, but I had too much on my mind that I had to figure out but didn't want to.
Should I end it? Or stay alive for Josh?
This question always seemed to occur...
I didn't want to think right now, it was the worst possible thing to do, but I had nothing else to do. The question me feel sick, nearly faint - worthy you could say. It always did. I didn't move and carried on staring above me. The stars truly were lovely. They washed away the thought of having to go back 'home'.
How can you call that home?
Home is a place where you were to feel happy, a place to make memories, a place in which you felt like you belonged there with your other halves, your family.
Not a place where you would rather be at school because atleast they judged you behind your back and didn't let you know how much of a 'fuck up' or a 'dumb bitch' you were. Atleast you had some sort of guidance there, that guidance being one friend under the name of Josh Dun;
He is literally my only support in life - he makes me feel wanted when I feel unwanted and never fails to make me smile. I've only known him for roughly one year but he has got to be the bestest friend I've ever had in my entire life.
It's sad because it is true; but he is all I need to live, as long as he was there, I'd be here, even if it was under the stars at 11:35 at night.
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