My bag's packed. 10 times packed then unpacked again. Bed made, 5 times over to be exact. The rest of my clothes have been put away and chucked out again 4 times... Not enough. Once more should do it... I pulled open my cupboard and unhooked all of my clothes off the hangers. Throwing them on the floor. Then I picked them all up again, putting them on the hangers, placing each one into the cupboard and closed the doors. I glanced at the clock on my wall... 4:00am. I still have time. I walked into the bathroom. Being as silent as the creaky floorboards would let me, which unfortunately wasn't very silent at all. They wont wake, I told myself, they sleep through anything. I turned on the tap, rubbing my hands with soap 10 times on each side. Then 15 times with water. I went back into my room. 4:05am... I still have time. I put my black hoodie on, zipping it half way up. All of a sudden it seemed so real. I know, I'd been planning this for a while now. Thinking it over each time, asking myself if I wanted to do this. The answer being yes each time. And I know, I'd made the decision that I was going to do it. But now, right now, I was actually doing this. I was actually leaving.
I didn't want to go without running first. Only a quick run, half an hour at most. It calms me down. And it's one of the only things I can do. Just one foot in front of the other. I had to run early, when there's no one else around. No one I have to avoid running into. No one I can be embarrassed about looking like a twat in front of. No one tha- I stopped running. Everything was silent apart from my breathing. I spun round. Someone was there...Not anymore, but they were. I swear. I spun round again. A strange panic rose inside me. Someone's behind me...I turned around again. Just an empty street... I could feel my pulse rising. My breathing getting quicker rather than slower. I turned round again and ran. As fast as I could go... No, the street didn't look right. I couldn't see what was behind each corner or turn. Someone could be there. I ran for the park. An open space. No corners, nowhere to hide. I could see everything... and everything could see me. My footsteps grew quieter as they hit the grass. My fear kept me running. I stopped when I got to the middle. Constantly spinning my head to see if someone was there. My chest and the back of my throat aching from the cold air passing through my body. I wiped off the tears rolling down my cheek. The panic inside me slowly shrunk as I got my breathing back to normal. I checked my watch: 5:15am. I still have time...
The air was still crisp and fresh as it always is at this time. My breath curled out in front of me in a cloud. ''No one is watching me,'' I whispered, ''no one is there.'' I repeated myself over and over until I was in my room again. Everything was how I left it. I looked at my stuffed bag on my bed. This is it. I walked into my parents' room. The lights were off and I could here both of them breathing.''Bye...'' I whispered. Not entirely sure what difference it would make whether I said that or not. Then I walked into Cole's old room. It looked nothing like how he left it 2 years ago. The bed was made, his clothes in the wardrobe instead of on the floor and all the posters of bands and films he liked had all been taken off've the walls. Mum had never liked them. She got me to take them down almost straight away. She hasn't been in here since before.... Well, before. But I spent more time in here than I did in my room. Not that she noticed. As soon as it was tidy, it wasn't like it was his room anymore. It was more like the spare room that nobody apart from me went in.
''Cole...'' I said.
''Yeah?'' He turned around, showing his permanent cheeky smile. ''What do you want to be when you grow up?'' I asked, curious. His smile widened, working it's way up to his dark hazel eyes. ''I want to travel...'' He said. It wasn't the answer I was expecting. Then again, what was I expecting? ''Where?'' I asked.
''Everywhere.'' He said. ''I want to see the world.'' This just made me more curious...
''But, how can you go everywhere?'' I felt my eyebrows pull together in confusion. ''Where do you go first?''
''The one place you've always dreamed of going to...''
I sighed and left the room, pulling the door closed behind me. Then I went into my room and picked up my bag. 5:30am. I still have time. I walked down the stairs and left the house. I headed for the train station. Pulling up my hood and checking behind me now and then. A few drops of water patted my hood, then a few more, until it was tipping it down. Only half way there and i'm soaked. I can just tell this is going to go great...
