Why the hell do i feel this, nothingness? It's like my emotions are gone. I want to scream, cry, laugh, something. I put on a show, acting as if it's okay. Some people can tell somethings wrong, the people I'm close to. It's weird that my friends can see there's something wrong and they keep asking even when i say im okay, but my family seems as if they don't see it. My mom asked if i was okay i said i was fine just had a headache and she believed me, she didn't question any further, she should have noticed, seen something was up. Why would i keep this from her, shes supposed to be the one i tell about things, but i don't with anything? I don't talk about boys, drama, work, school, anything with her. Why would it make me feel so weird to do that? I talk with my friends moms, i tell them things. Why not my own mother? I hate it, i hate me sometime, at least there is feeling there. i hate that i'm not athletic like my brother and sister, i hate that i'm not good enough (for the guy i like for some odd ass reason),i hate that i even like him and we have barely even talked, i hate that i'm not as smart, i hate that i can't get myself to be as close to God as i want to be. I feel (thank God a feeling) that i'm fat, everyone tells me differently but as i standing in front of the mirror looking at my naked body i see the fat, i see how big my stomach is, how fat my thighs seem. I hate that i havent accomplished anything, my first story i tried to write but i'm still on the third fucking chapter, know its probably not that good but i want to do this i want to finish it but it's as if i can't find the right words to describe what i want, even now. So the question is why. Why don't i feel? Why don't i care? Why don't i talk? Why do i have to be me? Sometimes i don't want to be.
