Self-Induced Panic

Chapter Four. Frozen

It's earlier in the morning when I wake up, I can tell. I can see the sun just rising when I look out the window. Jack should really get some curtains. I turn to roll over to go back asleep in Jack's arms when I realize, Jack's not there. He's not in bed. Where is he? I tell myself to calm down, he's probably taking a piss or something who knows. He'll be back soon. I roll back over to wait for him to get back.

The bed feels too cold without him. I feel alone. I pull the covers up and around me, up to my chin to try and make up for it. I don't know how I live when I'm not with Jack.

Where is he? How long has he been gone? It shouldn't take that long to use the restroom. I'm probably not gonna be able to go back to sleep alone without him so I get up to go find him.

He's not in the bathroom. In fact, he's not in the house at all.

I start to panic. Where the hell is he?!

I walk all over the house over and over again searching for him. Each time I end up back in his bedroom, more and more disappointed. That's when I notice it. It's a piece of paper on the nightstand by the bed, I didn't notice it before. I rush over to it and pick it up. This is what it says:

Dear Stephanie,

It's late and you're asleep in my bed next to me. You look so beautiful when you're asleep did I ever tell you that? I love you so much. You are my entire world, my sun, my moon, and all of my stars. And I want you to know that throughout everything, just remember that I love you.

I hope you don't wake up anytime soon. You fell asleep in my arms as soon as we laid down, you're so exhausted all the time. I guess that worked out in my favor tonight. I haven't gone to sleep and I won't be. It's 2 in the morning and I've done a lot of thinking. You're probably really worried right now but don't be, everything will be worked out in fact, by the time you're reading this it probably already has been. You want to know where I am. Check the bottom of the river underneath the downtown bridge. You'll find me there. I'm already gone so don't bother. I love you. But that doesn't change the fact that I had to leave. Things have been rough for awhile and I didn't want to burden you while you were going through so much else. Don't worry about me, I'm in a better place now.

Do me a favor, one last dying wish: have a great life. Don't let this change anything, except to make it better. Finish your senior year, go to college, get married, have children, grow old with the love of your life, it's all I can ask you for. Don't come looking for me, I don't want you to see me like this, broken and dead, it wouldn't be fair to you. Tell my Mom that I'm sorry but she knew it was coming soon eventually. Make sure she knows I love her and that I'm sorry that I left her just like Dad did.

I love you Stephanie Rose Jones.
Sincerely and forever yours,
Jack Landon Johnson.

It was barely but a page, scribbled hastely on a peice of sketch book paper that was lying a few feet away. I felt cold as ice. I didn't understand. Why would he do this? It didn't register with me.
And then it clicked.
I screamed and hollered and cried. I collapsed to the floor, the note clutched in my hands. Ms. Johnson came running in, dropping to her knees on the floor beside me. She asked me something but I couldn't make out what it was. My sobs racked through my body and shook me deep in my bones. She tried to shake me to get my attention but I couldn't hear or feel anything, I was too deep within the waves, pulled too far away from the shore.
She grabbed the paper from my hands. She stared in horror as she continued to read, the words sinking deeper and deeper until she realized what had happened as well. Tears started forming in her eyes and soon, she was sobbing with me.

I don't know how long we sat there with our arms around each other but soon our sobs turned to sniffles and the morning dawn became the overhead sweltering sun of the evening.
After awhile, Ms. Johnson rubbed my shoulders and, with a sniffle and a hiccup, she got up and walked out of the room, leaving Jack's note on the floor.
Suddenly, it was too quiet, too cold, too bright, too empty.
I get up and exit the room, stopping to turn around and take a look around Jack's room. It seems dark and empty and bare without him on here to loght up the room like only he can.
I find Ms. Johnson in the kitchen with a cup of coffee in her hands and red puffy rings around her bloodshot eyes. I'm sure I look similarly.
She looks up as I pad into the room but it doesn't seem as if she sees me. I hop up onto the counter, using all my strength to pull myself up but even that exhausts me.

She breaks the silence to tell me that we should go down to the police station but her voice is so low and hoarse its barely above a whisper. I say okay and I sound just the same. She sets her mug of untouched coffee down on the counter and tells me to go get dressed. She heads towards her bedroom. I head towards Jack's.

I stand outside his closed door. I can't muster up the strength to open it. I lean up against the doorframe, suddenly exhausted, and slide down to the floor, my knees curled into my chest. Thats where Ms. Johnson finds me when she comes out of her room. She just looks at me.
"I can't open the door." I tell her. It's barely above a whisper and cracks every second. "I can't go in there"
"I understand, we can go in together, you need to get some clothes on." She whispers back. She grabs my hands and pulls me off of the floor onto my feet. I feel like I'm gonna pass out any second.

She grabs my hand and I close my eyes and she opens the door.

AUTHORS NOTE
Heyyo so, it's me, the really super awful writer who never actually writes lol. So I actually updated this lame thing haha it's been literally a year since. So if anyone is actually still reading this thing sorry haha. Also sorry about killing Jack, killing off signifigant characters is kinda my favorite thing lmao. I'm gonna try and write some more for this thing but idk it doesn't seem like many people like it so idk let me know what you think and/or want. Peace out losers I love y'all
Vote, comment, follow pls.
Xofrnk
-A