Dear Diary

Chapter II: Reading Minds

Dear Diary:
Everything has been so normal, I just keep hiding my crush for him and trying to play it cool. But is weird, because, every time I want to be closer to him, and every little thing that he does, keep on exciting me (yes, every little thing, just like saying "hi" and that stuff), I keep on saying my friend things like "oh my God!, he asked me for a pen!" (Awkward!).
This days, we've been talking and sharing, but nothing special, I mean, nothing as a "date" or something like that. We've been talking on the lockers and on the lunch as usual. Now we eat together at lunch and then he goes to play as usual with his squad ( By the way, he's really good at playing basketball)and I stay with mine there at the table. We've been sharing more, and now we talk of more than homework.
Today, i was really sad,because of a drama that I had with some friends (my old squad), we fight because of something that isn't really clear still for me, I mean, they just leave me alone and then they said to me that it was my fault because I never told them the truth and I keept on lying them, but actually,they were that ones that keep on lying to me about everything, so, I was so sad, they've been my best friends since third grade (now I'm on eight grade ) and now, we're not friends anymore, I'm actually so sad right now,but not as much as before.

I was on English class, and i was on my sit, just thinking about it, looking at the floor or actually to the infinite and beyond, dreaming with my eyes open, of what have just happened, and thinking about what I've done, how they treated me, just everything, and my sight has started to blur, (if you know what I mean) there were tears on the bottom of my eyes, but still they haven't run down my face,so, is that moment when everything that you look at, start looking "blurry" like underwater, kind of shapeless but at the same time, the colors are still there and you can recognize what's happening. On that moment, he went to my side (he was walking to his place, but he stopped by my side) he looked at me, I realize it,so I look up to him and smile,(with one of those fake smiles that you need to do so people never know that you're sad and you don't have to explain them everything because it is so complex) he looked into my eyes as we usually do, (yeah, every time we talk we look into each others eyes if I might not say stare into each others eyes while smile) but he didn't smile, he just stood there looking into my eyes, like if he was trying to realize what was going into my head, and so, i did same. Finally he asked if everything was OK, and (as I have mentioned before, I don't like to explain) I said "yes" but he keep to look into my eyes, he smile with an expression of disappointment ,and then ,he said, with sarcasm on it, "yeah,sure!" And he continued to walk to his desk.

When the class was over, I went to my locker, and I was talking to my best friend (just to be clear diary: the squad were like 10 people, and five of them, were the ones that called me liar, and other five stayed with me, including there my best friend, the only one who knows about my crush) and a minutes later she told me with her face to turn back, and when I did, he was a few steps ahead from me, so I looked at him, and again ,we were looking at each other, trying to read our minds, then, he smiled, and he kinda opened his mouth to say something, I just looked into his eyes to try to figure it out, he did same at the time he moved his head up and down a little so slowly, then, I felt so akwad so I gave up and turned to my friend so ashamed, and he too, turned and i saw him as he walked away.