I'll always love you.

part one.

the first day, I started liking him.
he was so nice..but he was taken. By a girl who hardly even seened him.

I Go to the bathroom and brush my hair, as I look in the mirror.."why am I so ugly.? he wouldn't like me back." Then I try and put on some mascara and put some skinny jeans with a black minion shirt.

"Mom? Can I go out for 4 hours, I just wanna go to the rink to chill."
"Maschama, be home early."
( "maschama" means go a head.)
I start putting on my socks and put on my sweater.. Then I eat a pizza pop.

as I eat my pizza pop, I start to have some thoughts about me getting fat. So I just leave the pizza pop on my plate and then I'll leave and walk to the rink.

..while I was on my walk, I had a smoke..i numbed the pain. I just started thinking about him, he was the one who made me happy, but I didn't show that I liked him.
Once I got to the rink, I watched him skate and play hockey with his friends.

Then I seen my friends, I went up to them and said hi.😊 I was bein kind, I wanted him to notice me. I liked him so much That it hurted. I kept looking at him, the way he smiled..the way he looked at my Bestfriend.. He liked her..it made me jealous.. I got mad. I went for a walk to cool down. Then I came back.
I had to fake my smiles, I had to be polite. Then later that night.. I left home. He asked me a question, he asked why I'm so nice. I answered him "because I just am, I just didn't show it..people made me mad, so I just had to be rude but not anymore." Then I walked away smiling and went home.

As soon I got home, I took a shower. *30 minutes later* I get out of the shower and dry myself up and put my pyjamas on... My mom asked if I ate. I said 'yeah' I lied..

Then I went on my Facebook, and messaged him. I say "lol hi" then he replies "what you doing?" Then I reply saying "nothin, just sitting down. Talking to you..loll what about you.?" Then he replied saying "nothing"
then I replied saying "Ohyeah eh, that's boring" then he replied saying "yea"
I left him on seen..
the next day I went to school, I didn't see him at school. he was hardly in school. His girlfriend said hi to me an gave me that mean look.

I told my Bestfriends that I liked that boy.. They were surprised.
they nearly told him..which got me mad at them.

so yeah, that day was shitty. all my days were shitty.

I didn't know what to do with life. I started getting thoughts. these days fucked me up. So I just hid the pain..

**to be continued**