I could taste it in my mouth, feel it pulsing in my veins, and see a red blur surrounding me. I should've listened. These moments were dark and intense, everything was deep. Voices of loved ones around me bought a tear to my eye. I wasn't usually an emotional type of person, but these weren't usual circumstances. Pain didn't describe what I was feeling; this was a whole new dimension. It seemed to centre on my head and chest. I felt a burning sensation in my throat, it was dry and sore. It wasn't until then I realised I was screaming, I felt a tear land on my face, and then a finger push it away. It instantly calmed me; I felt relaxed and sank back into the darkness that was my thoughts. Serenity he whispered, although knowing Leo was there with me in my last moments made me happy and calmer, it also distressed me, I shouldn't have put him through this. This image of me lying there, surrounded in blood, becoming pale and cold. This would stay with him for the rest of his life. Guilt, anger, and sadness overwhelmed me. Yet also relief, relief that this nightmare was over. Finally. I felt very unsure about a lot of things, apart from one, Leo had stuck with me through all of this. Even with knowing he couldn't change my mind, he made sure the last months of my life were happy ones. They had been, just nothing could be enough to change my mind. It was kind of cheesy too, memories of walks in the snow, then sitting on the hill overlooking the beach. The laughs we've had with mates. But nobody knew that it was all an act, nobody knew of the nightmare that was happening. I remember the day I told him, he broke down and cried. Leo cried. But in a way, I did us good. It made us appreciate things in life more. Then my thought bubble was popped and the pain took over again, it was a vivid memory. Running, running for miles and miles, and then falling. Voices behind me told me to slow down, that I was okay, full of concern. Concern! But it was a trick. I was sure of it. Then physical pain, I twisted and turned; it didn't help or make the pain worse. If you could even call this experience pain, maybe for a fraction of a second it would take my mind of the pain. Or even a different kind of pain, this was all too much. Whatever this was, I don't think it was death. Death should be peaceful and quick. Not torture. How was it could be thinking such deep thoughts, but unsure about what was happening. What a strange experience. I heard a siren in the distance. Bless him, even though there was no hope he called a ambulance for me. He kissed me on the lips, and told me he loved me. As the ambulance crew rushed up to me, I closed my eyes for the last time.
