Dear Diary

Chapter III: Replaced

Dear Diary:
Things had been so bad lately... I just want to cry!
Remember the friends I fight with some weeks ago? One of those friends is on the same English class with me, she's a pretty girl, she's blonde and skinny, smart and funny, she used to be a really closed friend of mine before we fight, now, we don't hate each other, but were not as close as before. Lately, she've been talking a lot to this guy (yeah, the one I like), sorry...but I get so jealous! why? Because she's ten times prettier than I am and she's ten times as smart as I am and also, she's ten times as funny as I am! Obviously a guy will prefer her rather than me! Now we don't talk as much as before because he's always talking to her, even though there's still that 1% of him that is just mine still.

On the lunch, i her on the table next to mine, and then constantly talking to him while he's playing or at the halls, lockers and English class, is, just, ANNOYING! Not only for the fact that I like him and I don't want him to like anyone else, but also because, I'm jealous of her that is better than me and that makes me afraid of him preffering her, plus, after we fight, she heard about me liking him, and I don't know the things she may do, but most of all, I'm afraid of not being enough for him.

You know something that makes me so happy: him, just that he will say "hi!", makes my day, is like I'm still important for him, but, sometimes I feel so bad that he doesn't notice me but her.

Last day, I talked to her, she told me he was ugly, and she asked if we were more than friends, because we were usually sharing those smiles... That, reconfort me but him... Yesterday I talked to him. At the lockers and I asked -"tell me something!, you like her right?"- He said -"no, I promise you I don't!"-, but something on his voice, made me feel unsatisfied with his answer. On one hand, I was expecting him to tell me he liked her, and that way I could move on and stop liking him (Girl logic). And on the other Hand, something on the way that he said it, maybe that smile that came to his face when I said her name, or the way he laugh, like if he was or either nervous or what I was sating was so ridiculous, just made me to think the things better. But, how to trust a guy?, first: they never, NEVER, admit what they really feel. Second: if he ever told somebody, obviously it will not be me!

So, you might be asking yourself "why are you sad if he said he didn't like that other girl?"

Here it goes what I was going to tell you: today all the freaking day, he was with her (yeah all the day). He didn't said "hi!" To me, he didn't sat down with me at the lunch( yeah, he stayed with her at lunch too), he didn't talked to me at the lockers as usual, anything! and when I saw him, guess what I saw? Right! He was with her, calling her, talking with her, teasing her, HUGGING HER!. He was ignoring me so bad!, and in addition, at English class, he hugged her by the back, and said "I want to do that work with her!" Yep, I was there, I hide my sadness, but then he just looked at me, his eyes, reaching the deeper part of my soul, those black spheres, and his smile, just been so mean to me. He just stood there, with his arms around her chest, looking directly into my eyes, with a mean expression of a bad winner, his mouth on an light smile, without showing his teeth, just lifting one of his cheeks, and the opposite eyebrow a little bit lifted too, just made me feel so bad. I just think in that moment my my eyes were looking like a sad dog's eyes, but I was keeping it strong, just to hide my crush, and also, my lip, being bitten by my teeth, might have show him, my weakness.

But what he might not know, is that, my real weakness, is him.