Unwanted- A Felicite Tomlinson Fanfic

Part 31

The word love is a rather strange concept. Just thinking about it makes my head hurt. When I was younger I thought I knew what love was. I didn't think you had to put forth any effort to love. Love was simply love. It was just there. All I knew back then was "Mummy and daddy love me. Louis loves me and Lottie loves me." (The twins weren't born) I just knew it. No one had to tell me that they didn't.

But then one day dear daddy came home. He came home with a strange substance in a bottle with a cap. It 'wasn't for little girls.' And then daddy would drink from the bottle. Daddy would say that everything looked funny. He would wobble when he walked and speak in a language no one could understand. He acted differently. Everyone could tell.

He was harder on Louis. He complained and yelled a lot. He made Lottie and Mummy cry. He was scary. One day he had so much he passed out. And ever since then he'd pass out every night. The feeling of love was slowly slipping away...

Young Louis would often sing to brighten the atmosphere as long as daddy wasn't around. He'd sing so much that his voice was raw yet always so strong. He sung me to sleep. Then one day at dinner, after daddy had drank a lot he said he wanted to try to do something with his life. He wanted to succeed at something and show the world his strength and pride. He wanted to sing.

Daddy didn't like that idea one bit. He took Louis away and you could hear a loud thump. Mummy turned on us that night. She sided with daddy. I checked on Louis to see his face red from a slap. Anger boiled inside of me and it was the first time that I had felt hatred. And the hatred was toward daddy.

I told Louis he could do whatever he wanted and that he deserved to be happy. And so he listened to me and left. But I didn't realize he'd leave forever. I became selfish and greedy, wanting Louis back and hating the world for loving him. But I'd hate the world if they hated Louis. I had biased views and contradicted myself. I was never satisfied with my thoughts slowly eating away my mind.

When Louis left so did the love. Lottie stayed quiet and was no longer bubbly. The twins grew up in a world filled with sadness. Mum no longer had dad who disappeared. He was most likely off getting drunk somewhere. Mum took dad's place though. She got drunk as well. And she did the same things dad did.

I locked myself away in my room, sitting by myself in the shadows. I wanted to escape and be free. But most importantly I wanted to feel love. I wanted to feel like I belonged and I wanted to feel wanted. I needed someone. I was tired of being lonely. But Louis never came back and all hope for love was gone just as easily as it had come in the beginning.

But then one day I got in touch with Louis. I met up with him and brought along my sisters who probably felt the same way I felt. I felt pathetic yet hopeful. Louis could make it all better, right? I met some of Louis' close friends and learned a few things about them. They are very wise people. Now I'm not quite sure what I feel. It's at the tip of my tongue but I'm not sure how to describe it. It's a feeling I haven't felt in a while. Actually I may never have felt this way before.

The feeling is true love. And it's not the kind of love Lottie and Martin feel. True love doesn't necessarily have to mean that you have a boyfriend or girlfriend. True love is a sense of sanity. I sense that you truly belong and are cared about. It's a feeling that never leaves you feeling empty or lonely. True love is a feeling I've never felt before, well except for now.

For once in my life I belong. I am wanted. I am full. I am sane. I am cared for. I am loved. And I couldn't ask for anything more. I have the best feeling. I am happy.

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Oh my God I was writing like I was in some sort of trance. I really didn't think that I'd end the story today much less ever. But I can honestly say this is the end. I thought more would happen and that it wouldn't be like this. I never even imagined an ending much less ever having one. But it just felt so right when I wrote this that I looked back on it and realized it is the end. She's finally happy and has a better grip on her emotions. She's safe and so are her sisters. Everyone is now happy and it just had to be this way. I'm so sorry that it ended like this. I mean I can already tell that some of you won't be happy with this ending. If I was the reader I wouldn't be happy. But as the writer I can truly understand it ending this way. I have a strange feeling. I haven't felt this good in a long time. I really am happy. Thank you all so much for reading this, it really meant a lot to me and I love you guys so much. Sadly, there will not be a sequel because the main conflict was solved. Everything has to have an end.