It's not like I missed her, I just missed her company. And I mean in some ways I still really miss her but stuff like that I've gotten over. And if I'm being honest she never really thought of me as highly as I thought of her. She was honestly kinda shit to me. I mean since then I've done a hell lot of shitty things to her. I was just hurt. I was inconsiderate of her feelings and I just feel really bad. She won't accept my apologies but I guess that's alright because I don't think I've forgiven myself yet. For some reason I feel like all this was my fault when really it was a both of us. I want to have a real life, face to face conversation with her but I'm worried that would go south. I actually don't know how things can get any worse. To be entirely honest I hope she's reading this right now. If she is I have a few things to say. I hope you're happy. In the most genuine, heartfelt, ways possible. I'm so glad that you have found friendship and hope and love. I'm sorry for the friendships I have taken away from you so cruelly. And I know I've said this quite a few times but, you were my best friend. I was trying to make up for the giant hole that you left. It's like I almost felt betrayed in a way. You promised nothing would change and in reality that's all that happened. I know now that I didn't make you happy and I'm glad that you got the hell out of our friendship when you did because you are probably happier without it. I guess I felt like I just wanted you to be happy and you just wanted to tear me down. But in reality the things I did to you were just as bad, if not worse than the things you did to me. It's not like I'm angry I'm just like sad. I'm over it now. And I guess the point of this was to apologize and explain myself. I think I did that.⭐️
