Today I stand battered and broken
Barely breathing people shoot like bullets through my being
It's hard to believe the monster my mind has formed from the innocent soul I was before
Or, at least, before I befriended the demon
For the longest time I never understood why I didn't fit in
I tried so hard to meet the standards of the other girls
I made bracelets, drew flowers, wore dresses without daring to talk back to them
The ones with perfect completions
Connections to their own god damn reflections
While I was left to wonder why I would look in the mirror and feel rejected
I detested my long, wavy, blonde locks
My wardrobe of dresses, skirts, and all things girly
Covered in glitter, those glamorous gowns, that most would swoon over
It was any girls dream
By I simply looked with shame and disgust
As I wouldn't be taken for who I was
Four years later, I still look in the mirror with hatred and rage
But for reasons I now realize, are my responsibility to reform
Because I'm not that girl who always tried to prove her "tomboy" reputation
Play sports she hated
No, now I've been changing that shy girl in constant denial
Into the man she was meant to be
I cut off all the hideous, horrid, shoulder length hair
Deepen my voice so to make others aware of my "masculine" mindset
I put myself through daily torture simply to be recognized
As the boy that I am entitled to define myself as
And unfortunately it comes at a toll on my confidence as I am torn to the ground by those who believe they know me
I can barely speak without being terrified of what they'll think
I don't sleep
I rarely eat
I've lost 20 pounds in the lasted few months
No diets, excersize, anything to influence the chubbiness of my body
But after all
I can shout to the ends of the earth that I don't care
I'm still standing
