Trapped in my own body (Kellic)

Chapter 1

!!!TRIGGER WARNING!!!

A/N: Hey guys, it's ya boi, so before you start reading this, please make sure you don't get triggered by self-harm or suicide, because i don't want to send any bad vibes to you. I just reaaally needed to get this thoughts off my chest, so i guess writing is a good start. Okay fellow hobbits, enjoy this story and i hope you like it!! Thank you for reading!!

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1st person-

I felt the night breeze blowing against my cheeks. It was not too cold neither too hot. It was nice. Even nicer from where i was standing. Next to the train tracks. There was just the darkness of the starry night in front of my eyes.

The tips of my feet weren't touching the ground, they were hanging off the edge, but i stil managed to keep my balance. I was a bit closer to were i wished to go.

He was a few feet behind me, begging me not to do what i was about to "Please... Please don't do it, i can't live without you here" he begged but it was too late, i already made up my mind. "I'm sorry, i really am, but i cannot do this anymore" i said with a tear running down my cheek and a shaky voice.

"You don't have to do this please, don't jump, we can work this out, please let me help you" he sobbed taking a step closer, trying to reach me but that only made me step a little over the edge but i still managed not to fall too early.

"Please don't..." i said a bit impolitely

I stayed quiet in my place and he stayed in his. His sobs filled the night air, making it hard for me to keep myself alive. I have caused him so much pain, i don't deserve life for constantly hurting an angel. I am such an awful person. I deserve death, that's the only fate for me.

"Do you love me?" he asked suddenly

I didn't answer. That maybe hurt not only him, but me as well. Unspoken feelings are the worse. They consume you inside until there's nothing left, until you're left with nothing but fake hopes of what could happen and what could not happen. You imagine every possible scenario. We get hurt because we never know what's going to happen so i'm left with my overthinking mind.

I finally heard the train approaching. It is time.

"DO YOU??" He sobbed-screamed. He started to panic, because the train was coming in my direction and he didn't know what to do.

And, once again, I didn't answer him.

Finally, I looked back, taking a glance at his beautiful face. I loved him so much. I wanted him to be the last thing i would see in this world. He started to sob and begging, imperceptible, for me not to do this but i cannot live with the guilt.

When the train was already close i finally whispered "Yes" and started to cry.

"I didn't hear you goddamn it, NO WAIT WHAT ARE YOU DO-" he yelled with panic running through his veins as he ran towards me, but it was too late.

I had already jumped.

~3 months earlier~

Kellin's POV-

I felt the satisfying sting and the hot blood running down my inner arm. I could never get tired of this. It was so addicting, the pain, oh yes the pain. It felt so good to feel something after a while of my emotionless daily life. It felt so good. I pressed the blade once more inside my pale skin, dragging it to the other side, making a perfect lined cut. These were not sloppy and trembling cuts, no. These were perfect like professionally made. I was not nervous or mid anxiety attacks, no. I had full control of myself and most of all, full conscious of what i was doing. I wanted this, so bad. I've craved this all day long.