You never plan to get addicted, you never plan to head into a downward spiral, but sometimes you end up on a long walk with the devil.
It started with a deep and irreversible depression. My past nagged at me reminded me of what I went through, and how my I lost my Mom and my brother to the Monster.
I was molested and beaten by various men throughout my childhood. This was due to the fact that my mom was a cocaine addict and a whore with a horrible taste in men. Pedophiles, wifebeaters, drug addicts, that seemed to be her taste. Which was pretty unfortunate for us kids... beatings and sexual assault were just daily occurrences for us. For some reason, mom never noticed, or maybe she did but didn't care, either way, it seemed like my brother and I only had each other. I still remember what those sick bastards did everyday, I still can see Don treating my brother like an animal, locking him outside in the dead of winter, and me sitting there helpless stifling my tears, I wanted to cry for my brother, but if i did i would get beaten even worse. I still remember Joseph treating me and my brother like sex toys, raping and molesting us almost every night, I remember just lying there limp praying that he didn't hurt me or chase, hoping that it would be over. I remember Brian with my mom in the back room snorting thick ivory lines and leaving us to our own devices. Chase and I were inseparable. We stuck together because he was my only friend and all i had, and i was the same for him. We were inseparable, that is until he decided that he'd try to numb the pain. i really wish he hadn't I'm sure we could've found other ways to be okay. But he didn't seem to agree, so when we were 12, he decided to try a line, to take that first step into a downward spiral, and ever since then, he hasn't been my brother. And I'm all alone, but surrounded by people.
