Broken Home

The Day The World Fell Apart

It was just an ordinary day and I was finishing school. My dad was picking me up so I got in the van and he was all smiles. He asked how my day was and as usual I said 'fine'. From then on it was just silent. It usually was. But this time it was different. I felt like something was up. He wouldn't look me in the eyes. Had I done something?

We pulled up outside the house and got out van. When I walked through the door I saw my mam crying. That's when I knew something was definitely up. Thoughts started flooding my head. Was someone hurt? Had someone died? Was she in pain? That's when my mam said, 'has he told you?'. Told me what? What should my dad have told me that he hadn't. I could see in her eyes she was heart broken. I just couldn't figure out why.

'Your dad's leaving me.'

I never realised how badly four words could tear my world apart. 20 minutes ago I had just been laughing my head off with my friends. Just yesterday I was celebrating my 16th birthday. Now here I was crying. I'd never cried like this before. I'd never felt this feeling before. It literally felt like my heart was broken. Shattered.

My mam was there hugging me. Trying to make me feel better. While my dad just stood there not moving, not saying anything. Not even in the same room as me. That's when the anger kicked in. Why? Why was he doing this? Was there someone else? There has to be someone else. I got up and went over to him. 'Don't lie to me dad. I'm not a little kid. Is there someone else?' Tears welled in my eyes. 'No, there isn't' What? 'Then why?' I was so confused.

'I don't love your mam anymore.'

Again. How can a few words make you feel so many emotions. I broke down. I'd never cried like this before. I'd never felt this kind of pain. Usually I'm silent when I cry but for the first time in my life I wasn't. I was truly hurting.

I felt like my life was over. Someone I love so much and look up to was walking out of my life. They weren't going to be there as much as I needed anymore. I was loosing my dad. He told me he loved me and would always be there for me. And then left.

I couldn't think of a way to describe what I was feeling. I felt sad, angry, hurt and disappointed all at once. But the strongest thing I felt was nothing.

I felt dead. I didn't feel like me anymore. Right then I didn't want to be me anymore.

I wanted to be dead.