It's Not Easy Being Me

Prologue

Copyright 2013 All Rights Reserved

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The smell of the closet was familiar and comforting. The only thing that sucked about my hiding spot was the lack of room. The clothes felt like they were suffocating me and I had something poking me in the back.

I could hear him yelling and cussing at her. The moment I heard the sound of a hand with force hitting flesh, I sunk further into the closet as if I could get away. But as the Lord will have it, I could hear his footsteps getting closer. Looking in the other rooms; throwing things around searching for me. I knew I couldn't hide forever and he'd eventually find me. But I prayed he wouldn't.

He was in the room now and I was afraid he could hear me. I was even scared to breathe.

I closed my eyes and tried to slowly count to ten.

One...two...three...

"Where you at, you little shit!?" he said under his breath as he flipped the bedside table over, making the lamp crash to the floor. "You better come out wherever you are, Trin. I'm not gonna play games tonight."

His voice sounded strangely calm. And that scared me. I wish I wasn't here.

Four...five...six...

He started pulling stuff out from under the bed. Then I heard his footsteps getting closer to the closet door.

Seven...eight...

I held my scream in as the closet door opened fast. The clothes that were hanging up were being pulled off their hangers. The stuff that was crowding the inside were being thrown out. This was it.

"There you are! I told you to stop hiding!" he yelled at me as he pulled me out of the closet by the hair. My scalp was on fire. "You never fucking listen to me! That's why we don't want you!"

Tears stung my eyelids and I could feel my hair being pulled out. He threw me on the floor and kicked my side hard.

I curled into a ball on the floor while he kept kicking me and yelling. I tried to imagine myself somewhere else...far away from here. Far from him.

"This is all your damn fault! If we didn't have you, we'd be living  somewhere else where I didn't owe money and cops weren't looking for my ass!" Then he pulled me up off the floor by my hair. I tried to cover my face while he screamed, "I wish you were dead! I should of told your mom to get an abortion!"

I could smell the alcohol on his breath then he punched me in the stomach, making me whimper because of the pain already there from his kicking. I wrapped my arms around my stomach which made a free shot to my face. Of course he took it.

My face was numb and even if I could feel it, I knew better not to fight back or scream and cry. That'll only make it worse. But I guess my silence or lack of a fight pissed him off more.

"Your a stupid kid, Trin! You know that?" he said as he threw me on the floor and kept kicking. Once in awhile I could feel a punch.

I layed on the floor, blood coming out from my nose and mouth. My eye hurt and my stomach felt like someone was stabbing me with knives.

I wish someone could save me from this monster I used to call daddy. I wish someone actually cared enough to kill me. I'm tired of being afraid. I'm tired of hurting. I don't want to be here anymore if this is what happpens.

My vision was starting to get cloudy. I could barely feel the hits and kicks, but I could hear them. I closed my eyes, hoping this was the end. Hoping my life ended at eleven. I know I would never make it to my eighteenth birthday if these beatings were in my future.

I felt myself slipping. Being torn from this world. Everything around me disappeared. Darkness wrapped its arms around me. A feeling of peace came to my mind. Numbing my body. Numbing the broken ribs, bruises, broken heart. Everthing.

Is this what it feels like to die?

In the distance, I could hear screaming. I don't know if it was me or not.