If there is an enemy in my life, then it only myself.
I slid along the slope of unfamiliar pebbles on the shore of what was my new home, welcoming the pain of the fresh scratches on my palm from my earlier fall. I smoothed my injured hand along my cotton skirt, holding it down from the wind's revealments so I could sit on the rocky shore without worry. Father would be cross with me when I finally returned to the house he had moved us too, tardy in my part with unpacking his massive library.
I shielded my eyes from the glare,gazing out at the gray that tugged insistently at my thoughts. I didn't want to feel the constant draw so close and readily acquirable. Water had done nothing but bring me trouble, and that was in much smaller amounts than this entire world of gushing waves before me.
I dug my bare feet further into the mixture of sand and smooth pebbles, still frustrated that Father had brought us here. This was the last thing I needed, a damning temptation that could kill some innocent, if not several if I gave into it.
Father thought too much of my ability to keep the song at bay. I singled out a stone with my toe, spinning it awkwardly in the sand before picking it up and fingering it's imperfect but smooth shape. Father didn't know what he was doing. Hadn't he been the one to scold me again and again for giving in to the enticements I had been born with? I had come to fear myself more and more until it had grown into self-hatred. I could never escape from that, or from my curses.
And yet he had brought us here, right to the door of temptation. Yippee. I glared out at the waves, mocking me to come join them as they raced along the bay. I hated and loved them with all my heart. I drew my arm back, anger propelling my rock out at the sea as if to chase it away. I wanted to scream. That would be an even bigger mistake though.
I sighed heavily and drew my knees up to hug at them, making a hiding place for my face so I could let the tears fall at will. Living here was just a disaster waiting to happen. I didn't know why I had come down here to sit at the foot of an expanse I had no intention of exploring, other than to get a gander at the first ocean I had ever seen. Finally disgusted at myself, I rose and turned from the fresh foamy scents that beckoned to me, heading back for home.
They would bring nothing but tragedy and death.
****
"Sang, I need the twenty-seventh volume. It should be around here somewhere. Look in the garage again, we may have missed it."
I sighed and dropped the pile of leather bounds I had been shifting through back onto the white carpet, stretching a bit before running off to do his errand. The garage was going to be off limits soon, a place for my father to work that I would not have another chance to explore. I opened the door to a strong wet concrete smell and raised myself on tiptoe to reach the string that clicked the bare bulb on, missing it at first as teetered to grasp it.
I cursed my slight height at my flailing and finally had the garage lit to a degree that was clearly wanting. I peered into the first set of stacked cardboard boxes, lifting out another one of father's voluminous books. I stroked the title pressed neatly into the old leather, written in Latin or Greek as all his books were.
He had never taught me either, with the exception of the number systems so I could help with cataloging. I placed the book back into it's box and slowly panned the entirety of the graffiti covered garage, wondering how long I had before he came looking for me. I hurriedly sifted through several sets of boxes before finding the needed one, keeping my hurrah at finding it quiet just in time.
I carried the book close to my chest as I quickly looked around the bare plywood and cement floor, finding nothing interesting other than the strange spray painted designs from a long departed trespasser, and a drip of water coming from a pipe that ran along the ceiling. I hesitated a moment, unsure if I really wanted it that badly, before holding a palm out to the tiny spot of water glinting as it passed the path of light. The droplet hovered and spun slowly, caught in the slight swirling water manipulation I could force out of my palms. I had never been able to manipulate water the way my father could, making large swells or even storms, but this little trick I could do. I smiled a little at it. Even he couldn't get water to hover the way I could.
The footsteps in the hall leading to the garage had my droplet warbling as I jumped, afraid of being caught doing even this without his permission. I flicked the water down and spun back to the house, the book held tightly like a shield in front of me. His form appeared in the doorway, leaning against the frame as he took me and the book I was holding tightly in. I gulped at the impatience apparent on his face.
"I see you've found the missing volume. Is there a problem? Did you get lost?"
I shook my head, probably too fast, and held out his book. He let me hold it out to him for a few awkward beats, letting me sweat under his scrutiny. He finally sighed and took the book, putting an arm around my shoulder as he easily reached the light pull to turn it off and led me back towards the large room that would become his study. He hugged at me, patting my arm a little as we walked.
"Let's not have any unfortunate instances for the first bit that we're here, okay Sang? Moving is already a strain without added stresses, agreed?"
I nodded numbly and rubbed my guilty palm along my thigh, trying to wipe away the crime even though I had never actually touched the water. I was so stupid. He always seemed to know when I was up to something, arriving just before or during one of my "incidents", at least while he wasn't gone for work. My hands trembled at the thought of the ocean I had left with a hurried curse to never return for fear of giving in to it's call, and here I was playing with a single drop, probably rusty and stagnant from the pipe. Water was a hopeless and bitter addiction for me. I was terrified I would not be able to resist it now that I lived with the coast at my doorstep, waiting like a huge finish line of mortal endings if I gave in and crossed over its frothy border.
YOU ARE READING
Sphaera Unda
FanfictionSang is mer and has a big problem on her hands. Father has moved them to the very door of the ocean, but going in means she could lose control of her song. It's a terrible temptation that she has to resist, if she doesn't want to have a death on her...