It is hard but I need to let go. At first akala ko madali lang pero mahirap pala lalo na kung nasanay kana na sya pagali ang iyong kasama. I don't understand why? I didn't reject any projects but it comes to this way "Next time better luck". l always think that hinde ba ako magaling? hinde na ba ako worth it para sa isang bagay na gusto ko. cguro ganon nga hinde ako worth it lagi naman eh..
ganito lagi ang routine ko araw-araw na laging malalim ang iniisip laging wala sa sarili kahit si mama hinde na alam ang gagawin. kahit sa mga local shows lagi akong ganito hyper lang pag sa stage pero at the back I was so out of words, silent. Until now I can't accept na bigla nalng kaming mag hihiwalay ng hinde alam ang dahilan. It is beacuse of me? about Lauren and I issue until now hinde padin mawala-wala. wala naman yung saamin ni Lauren yes, I admit I like her because she's gorgeously death pretty BUT nothing else more than that, that's all. I like her but I don't love her. We used to hang out but that's all. yun lang yun. Isa lang naman ang gusto ko kahit noon pa, isang lang lagi ang hinahanap ng mga mata ko tuwing gigising ako ng umaga at tuwing matutulog. iisang lang gusto ko sa buhay ko yun ay si ..
"Julie Anne San Jose...” I said with a genuine smile.
"Moe?" someone calls me behind at my back I turned around and it’s Max. She looks at me with a questioning look. Ah I guess she's wondering why I smile like there's no way tomorrow.
Before she utters a word I ask her "Max... Why are you here?" she rise her one eye brow.
"Is that the proper way of welcoming me in your condo?"
I know it’s a sarcastic way, I just reply “and what's the proper way? I don't need to welcome you here in my condo, you are always coming here welcome by yourself whether I like it or not." I answered also in a sarcastic way.
“HA-HA-HA whatever Mosey! By the way kaya naman ako ng punta dito just to see my lil bro and what’s happening to him.”
I looked away and didn’t say anything. Ayoko pagusapan kong ano man ang problema ko may problema nga ba? *Sigh* I relief before I face ate Max; I think a word before I answer her. I don’t want her to know what is happening to me right now. Ayoko.
“Nothing” I said with a low tone.
“Nothing? Uh-oh not me Elmo. Hinde moko madadaan dyan. I know you. Now tell me is this about her?” I know she’s referring to Julie. Pwede naman nyang sabihin yung pangaln. Hay..
Silent. I look at her and thinking that, yes I think I need to get out all of these. The one person I know to help me is my sister after all she knows me at alam din nyang may problema ako kahit na hinde ko sabihin. Si ate Max ang laging nandyan para saakin alam nya lahat ng tungkol saakin kahit ang lihim na pagtingin kay Julie alam nya kahit hinde ko sabihin. Kapatid ko nga sya.
“Moe… kung lagi kang ganyan, kung lagi mong kini-keep ang problema you can’t help it by yourself. Alam natin yan. And mama tell me about sa for not keeping you sa new project which is dapat kasama mo sya. I know that’s your problem, hinde mo maiingtanggi na sya parin ang problema mo hanggang ngayon.”
Right.
She’s right siya parin ang problema ko simula noong una hanggang ngayon. How can I avoid her kong lagi kami ang magkasama. I mean hinde naman sa ayaw ko pero habang tumatagal lalo akong nahuhulog saknya. Ayokong itago sa kanya ang naramdamdaman ko pero ayoko rin masira yung pagkakaibigan naming dahil alam ko hanggang doon lng tlga kami. Pero ayoko yung ganito nasaksaktan ako dahil lang sa naramdaman ko saknya. Pero what can I do? Kung hinde naman nya ako matatanggap. I look at ate Max who’s waiting for any possible answer, Now I need to tell her. What’s on my mind these past few days?
