Thursday 12th May 2016
Dear Diary,
Damn Hannah, back at it again with the daily updates!!
To be honest with you, I'm surprised at myself for this, obviously shows I've had minimal homework this ween and I've had no social life..................I need to get out more. I swear this book has just turned into a way of me talking to myself whilst not looking as weird as I would be if I were to say it out loud on my own, hmmmm.... I'll just say I'm talking to Dean (that's the ghost that lives in my house btw)
Anyways, today I am going to talk about confidence and self-esteem, in case you hadn't figured out by the title at the top of the page.
Recently, as some of you may know, I lost a lot of confidence and self-esteem after I fell out with people such as Rose, Rape, Lily and all that lot.... I might do a messages chapter on one of the arguments.... Buts that's for another day. Back to the subject, some of the things they said had really hurt me and, at the time, I didn't think I'd ever be the same person as I used to be, and I was right, I'm not the same as I used to be, I've become a happier person and I'm actually more comfortable around my new friendship group and I am talking to a lot more people than I used to and getting out the house a lot more. However, when I first starting 'hanging out' with my new friends.... WHO HAVEN'T GOT NAMES YET!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ARGH THIS ISN'T ALLOWED!!!!!
So......... We are gonna have, Strawberry (girl), Ginger (boy) and Bitch (also a boy). They are my new friends, some of them I was friends with before but I've just become an awful lot closer to them than I used to be. Especially Strawberry.
At lunch, cause its got a lot warmer outside, we tend to go onto the field at lunch and Bitch, being the rebel he is, always plays music on his phone and along with Strawberry, they always sing and act kinda stupid and I always wanted to join in but I was too scared thqt they would judge me, this was because Rose used to judge me when I was to sing in front of people when I had a song stuck in my head, which for me is practically 24/7. But recently I started joining in and they don't judge me!! At least I think they don't..... Oh well, who cares, if they talk about me behind my back they can. I don't mind tbh............. Or do I????? You'll never know. Mwahahahaha........ What am I doing with my life?? I'm sat on my bed writing a shitty chapter on wattpad pretending I actually have some form of life....
Anyways, back to the subject... Again...If you start to feel bad about yourself because of something someone has said. DON'T!!! You shouldn't let anyone or anything get you down because that shows that they're getting to you and that's all they want to do. If they see that you don't give a damn, then they'll leave you alone xx
If it's yourself getting you down because you hate who you are or you hate certain parts of yourself then you should talk to someone you trust and tell them about your emotions and how you feel, they'll help you. Believe me I should know, after everything happened with people I was so fixated on making sure everyone else was ok and making sure everyone else was happy I didn't get anyone to help with with the way I was feeling and when I told someone about it, it really helped me to feel better, it was a weight lifted off my shoulders. We all need a hug a some point in life, don't think you're too cool or too old cause, come one, we all know that everyone deep inside them somewhere, loves to hug people at some point. Unless you're Violet, cause then you get attacked, beaten and screamed at. The usual words being "Don't touch me bish" And yes I did mean to put bish, it's one of our insults towards each other , don't ask why cause I have no clue. It's better than Kyu's insult of tea leaf.....
The message I'm trying to put across, is that you shouldn't let other people judge you and you shouldn't try to be someone you're not to please someone else. If you want to dance on your school field and act like you should belong in a mental asylum, then go for it, cause it's better that you're happy doing something you love than to pretend to be someone you're not doing stuff you hate just because you feel safer doing it as you know others will accept that. But people will accept anything, you just have to show them who you really are and they will love or hate you for that. But whatever you do, don't let the haters keep you down :)
From Hannah xxx
Ps, I cba doing the quote thing anymore so I'm just gonna do chapters every so often that have quotes in them to make up for that.... Like I did on Tuesday basically
Byeeeeeeeeee
