forever | sugawara x reader

14

We spent the last days of summer attached at the hip; she even asked me to invite Daichi over, but I lied and said he was busy. He'd called a thousand times, helpless voicemails piling up in my inbox, most of which I deleted before I could let them eat me up. At practice I didn't let the team see the growing divide between him and I, putting on my most honest smile for them. He'd confront me in the locker room; the first few times I somehow tried to explain myself, as if my behavior made any sense.

But as time went on, I knew he saw straight through me. That didn't stop his hands falling on my shoulders, pulling me forward into heated kisses in the vacant locker room. And I let myself enjoy every moment of it. I got high at the sound of a door creaking open when his hands were on my bare skin, or when he held my hand behind our backs, standing shoulder to shoulder so no one would see. I found myself enjoying the thrill of it, my lies pouring out easily to anyone who dared question me. Even with (y/n), my mouth formed intricate tales before they even processed in my head, ceaselessly coming out even when my heart ached to tell her the truth. Every moment away from Daichi was filled with the fear of being caught, and I knew what I was doing was wrong.

It wasn't when she was panting my name that these feelings hit me. It was little things; when I opened the freezer to find a pint of my favorite ice cream, when she'd let me ramble on about volleyball and actually be engaged in the conversation, or when she silently played my favorite CD on the ride home. It was a deep, open wound in my chest that bled so only I could see how much pain I was in. And each time I was close to showing her, I fell into Daichi's arms and pretended to be perfectly fine. I was quickly becoming the kind of person I hated, and as much as the thought gnawed away at me, I continued on, enjoying Daichi and (y/n) as much as I pleased.

-

Once school started, things rapidly began to change. It wasn't long until Daichi, Asahi, and I graduated now, days slipping by like sand between my fingers. (Y/n) was busy too, spending more time on airplanes than with me. It made me upset that she was gone so much and I confided in Daichi- not with words, of course. He hated hearing her name, and even though he knew I refused to leave her he seemed content enough with our arrangement. We knew each other too well and we were sinking into the ground together, hands linked behind our backs as if no one could see through us.

We really believed that. That nobody noticed the secret glances between us, the 'accidental' touches, the way we lingered behind after everyone had left.

It was late September and the last of the cicadas hummed their song outside the window. (Y/n) sat next to me on the couch at my house, focused on the screen of her laptop. I loved her. I loved the way her glasses rested of the bridge of her nose, and how her focus was unbreakable when she was working. The way her things were scattered across the coffee table was somehow endearing, as was the way she messily tied her hair back.

My mom and dad had gone to bed early, leaving us alone downstairs. It was almost ten o'clock and I had just finished my homework, packing my things away in my backpack. I closed my eyes as I leaned my head on her shoulder, her skin cool on my cheek. Deep down my heart was being eaten away by guilt, termites destroying a once beautiful home.

"Hey, baby," she mumbled, her voice far away. She scratched the curve of my jaw with her nails like a puppy and I hummed into her skin, desperate to be close to her.

"(Y/n)," I quietly whined, nudging my head closer. She ignored me, typing and clicking away.

"(Y/n)," I drew out the syllables of her name, clawing for her attention. I was being selfish but I didn't care, determined to make her want me more than her work. She glanced down at me, her gaze clearly disinterested with me.