She stared off into the blue abyss, the vast horizon of the dark waters in front of her, teeming with an abundance of unseen life being born, living, and dying all at once. The thought of all this occurring below the surface over whelmed her, yet the world kept spinning, the waves continued to crash onto the shore, the wind still gently lulled its way across the dunes and the sun still shined brightly; the continuance of it all made her suddenly grasp just how insignificant she was in comparison to the world. Wrapping herself deeper in her blanket of depression that gently consumed her like a beast; all she will do or ever did, didn’t even matter. All the worries and anxieties she had seemed to shrivel in size, losing their importance in comparison to the all of what was around her. Every careless breathe seemed to become heavier than the last as the weight of her insignificance became the reality she had finally come to terms with. Her very life seemed to now lack purpose or importance of any kind as she now began to pack up her scattered belongings in the sand; a book, a small cooler, and a beach towel.
Driving home did nothing to help her regain a sense of purpose. She saw a victim of road kill and as it lay there lifeless she felt she was similar to the dead creature in a way. The world didn’t care that it was or soon would be dead; no one cared, to anyone else who saw it they would have given a glance of pity and then nothing more; the dead creature would have not affected their lives in any kind of way. It was dead, and even if alive it would be just another animal out of hundreds of the same kind. Its importance was very slim, but this was where the similarity between the road kill and herself stopped. The creature still had a bigger importance than that of hers. Since at least the animal helped the ecosystem in a way. And in death became part of the food chain to help other living things do what they were born to do. Live. If she died, nothing useful would come out of it; maybe a small funeral perhaps that would give some people an excuse to miss a couple days of school or work, to rant nice things about her that weren’t true, or memories with her that they never actually shared with her. But then again, funerals are only for the living and people die every day, so not even in death would she be special or important.
As she arrived at her small soft blue home, or what she called home where she did very little worthwhile living all alone, she stopped her car on the sun burnt driveway, shutting the engine down by removing the keys from ignition. Getting out of the car, leaving all her things behind, she headed to the back yard towards the in ground pool. Looking at the cool, light blue, clear surface, she began to chew on her fate as she stood on the edge. She admitted to being scared of dying, but then again wanting it more than anything. Dying was seemingly always on her mind. Every glance at her physical scars made death seem almost more bearable than living.
Thoughts swarmed, the air began to go at war around her until finally she made her decision. Still in her clothes, she lifted her hands above her head and dove into the deep end. Arriving at the eight foot bottom, she began to let the air in her lungs make an exit as she watched the blurry image of the bubbles land on the surface. Then once the air was gone and nothing was there except subtle pain, she let water take its empty place, and she struggled to keep herself from escaping her own end. The pain of it all was spreading from her lungs to the rest of her body, demanding to be felt by every nerve ending. Her long brunet hair flowed gracefully along with the struggle to stay in the comfort of the cold water. In the end, discomfort in her lungs slowly faded, her hair settled, and the light of the sun above grew dimmer with every passing moment. For once the world around her seemed at ease with itself as she here mind went blank and calm. And in that moment, she felt special. For very few have ever felt that kind of darkening peace. To fall into a deep calm sleep that would last forever.
And the world kept spinning
