HIM

Reminiscing

"Its hard to wait for something  

you know

might never happen, 

But its even harder 

to give up, 

when you know

its everything you want."

I look at the sea.The waves seem in perfect harmony.One after another they come and wash away the remains of the one before.I wonder if this is possible for relationships? Can one person completely take someone else's place in your life? Can the said person fill in the orifices left by someone else, fit in the vacant space , seemingly as a replacment but yet on the other hand, is much more to you.Much more than a replacement, different than the person who was there before.I close my eyes and my thoughts unwillingly drift towards that banished corner of my heart.The corner which is full of memories, happy memories but painful.I see his smile, his eyes crinkling as his lips curve upwards.I see his eyes. Mesmerising eyes those were, so full of emotion, windows to his beautiful soul.I blink my eyes and try to come back to reality, but I cant.

 My mind is still in the past..with my heart...revisiting him.His smile, his face.Slowly his eyes change.His features changing into someone else's.The doe shaped eyes are replaced by almond shaped ones.The colour changes from stormy grey to a chocolatey brown.And then the face of my past morphs into another, the face of the present.The hair darker and the face longer.And then suddenly i m plunged into new memories.Its a new face now, the new face which I know like the back of my hand.This face opens the dam and I am flooded with recent memories.I hear a laugh this time, a jovial sound.Both the faces are close to my heart.One of the past and one of the present.Which is closer? I don't know.The second one means so much to me.He has filled the void that was left years ago and in that process he has become so much more.But along with him comes guilt.

I don't know why but I feel guilty.I blink back the tears as his face comes into my view.He left me."Why did you leave me?" I ask aloud as I let the tears fall unabashedly.Along with my tears, I can see my hopes, my dreams falling and one final memory surfaces, the worst of all.The most treacherous detail that my brain remembers.The doe shaped eyes are now closed to me, his eyes will never crinkle anymore when he looks at me.I will never see his irrestible smile again because he is...gone.He has walked out of my world, our world.

I am no more a part of his universe now, he lives while I die.The days have changed into months, taking away a chunk of my heart and my hope as they pass.I still remember the day, the stark white surroundings and the machines beeping, when he opened his eyes into mine .

"Who are you?"

And my world was taken away from me.