I didn't understand why my mom made me go. I only agreed because I knew it would help her more than me. She needed to know that i was sane. I knew that i didn't have long anyway, so what was the point?
I saw the huge office building before my mom did. I was hoping the car would break down before we got there but that was a long shot. When we arrived, I put on my fake smile and we walked in.
I was greeted by Dr. Ross, he was a tall man who seemed to have a big appetite for donuts. The hair he had left on his head was combed tightly to the right. His appearance was strict, but he had kind green eyes.
"come right in Ace" Dr. ross said
I walked in and sat down in my usual place. His office looked more like a library.
Dr. Ross was an unusual man, he sided more with unpopular views, and he liked to look at things from a different perspective than most people. He sat down in front of me and offered me a glazed donut, I declined.
"So Ace, you've been here enough, you know that I like to be straight forward. So tell me whats going on? Your mothers worried about you."
I didn't answer.
"Ok its fine if you don't want to talk about it, lets just start off with your future plans. What do you want to do when you're older?" He asked
"Hah! When I'm older?! I snorted sarcastically
"In case you haven't noticed, There wont be a 'when I'm older' I'm going to leave this hellish place soon. Im not exactly thinking of things that will never happen."
"You do realize that there is still hope right?" I could see the lie in his eyes.
He took a glance at his notebook and cleared his throat.
"Well fine then, we have a few minutes left, why don't you describe to me what you think the perfect family trip is?" He asked with nonchalance.
"Ok fine" i started.
"Well then, I guess maybe the perfect family trip would be going to the park on a cloudy day, i would like to sit down under a tree and read books by Stephen King while listening to the laughter and joy coming from my parents." My voice started to break. I missed that beautiful laughter, that laughter that brought tears to my mom's face, that laughter that made me feel alive once again.
"Are you ok?" He asked, "do you want to keep going?"
"Yeah, I'm fine, I also want to be able to see the birds again."
"The birds?"
"Yeah, ever since chemo i rarely go out, i don't think I've heard the birds singing in a while."
"Oh ok i understand" he said. I knew he didn't understand. No one ever understands.
"Why don't you go on this trip with your family? Ask your mom."
"I cant."
"Well why not?"
"Because, ever since this whole thing started, i can feel the tide taking me. Im afraid I'm to far away from the shore to swim back. And one day I'm not going to be able to keep fighting the tide. Im afraid that once the tide does take me, i will see it dragging my mom's happiness away with it."
