The journey of life.
God has got a plan for each one of us. He never let us down.
Chapter 1.
I named it“The Journey of Life” because Life is only a journey, this world is only euphoria. The true world is the one that is unseen. We are on earth for a purpose.
We are only mere tourists here, we do not belong here.
That is what I have always been trying to figure out. All the tests I’ve gone through did not give me strength as they were supposed to, but instead I was broken from the inside. I lost faith in life, I lost faith in love….
In short,I thought God had no plans for me.
Love was the only thing that always put me down, that weakened me. My life was falling apart, be it in love or in education. I failed everywhere. In every aspects of my Life, it was a failure. My parents no more trusted me , after all I gave them only troubles.
There was this one day which I clearly remember, I wanted to leave everything behind and start a new life on my own. I wanted to go away. But why? I couldn’t figure out what was happening to me.
How could I go this astray?
How could I lose faith in God?
That is when I was told the following, “God has got a plan for each one of us. He never lets us down. If you cannot find yourself then turn to God. He’ll guide you.”
Still, I could not overcome the thoughts that were troubling my life. I did not even know what these thoughts were, but they were ruling over my Life. They were the ones pushing me down the cliff.
I was feeling like a stranger in my own body….
Chapter 2.
In my room,I was listening to “ When I look at you- Miley Cyrus” . She states it so well ; We’ve got no guarantee that this life is easy. Why is it supposed to be that difficult?
I was sitting in my room, there were lights everywhere but still everything seemed so dull. I felt like sitting in a dark room where loneliness was invading me. I was feeling awkward, this pain taking up my life. I could no more handle these feelings. I just wanted to scream so hard so as to get rid of them.
I stood up and stared at myself in the mirror; YES! From the outside I seemed alright but not in the inside. What was this feeling?
What was this feeling that broke me down so much?
Tears were rolled down my cheeks. Everything looked blur. My mother was calling for me in the other room, but I did not have the strength to go to her.
All of a sudden, I was no more on my feet.. I was lying in bed unconsciously. I could hear everything and I could here my mother calling me. But I could not open my eyes. Was I dying? I did not want to die! “God can you hear me? Please don’t take me away not like that.”
After many hours, I finally woke up, I grab my phone and my boy friend had been calling me for many hours. How could I tell him “ hello, I tried to die today.” We had been together for only two months, he would not understand my life. In fact no one would! How could anyone not notice that i was dying from the inside. It’s been five years and I was still not able to get out my past. I was stuck over there. Though how hard I was trying to move on I would not be able to.
Who would i run to and ask for help?
I needed help! I wanted help!
What happened five years back completely changed my life in the worst of ways. Now, i had to endure this pains every minutes. This pain was reflecting in my behaviour. I stayed in bed, my boy friend was calling constantly, i scared him to death. The only message i sent him the whole morning was " Hello, he slapped me." And since then he had no news of me. It was not the reason i tried to die. The only reason i wanted to die was because of shame! I was ashamed of the beast i was turning into. Since i started university, i completely took up all bad habits! I was trying to prove myself something... I was trying to prove myself that i was not a rejected girl... I wanted to prove that i was not the ugly duckling. While doing all that, i started losing the true me.. I was lost within myself.
Finally, I get off my bed, answered the call. It was Farr, my boyfriend! He was dying of anxiety to know if i was alright. I didn't utter a word, he was the one talking,i just listened quietly till we were both silent. I could hear him breathe and this caused me pain because i wanted to open up and tell him everything but i could not say a word! Something was preventing me from telling him the things that were causing me so much troubles.
Lost in my thoughts, i realised that no one would understand me because these were petty things that happen in every people's life. But why couldn't I move on like any other individuals?
Farr was the only guy whose ever loved me this way. He was so affectionate towards me and tried his hard to make me smile but in vain. He gave up and decided to give me some time to myself so i could make up my mind.
The only think i thought about all night long was my past.... This past that was slowly taking away my life from me... This past in which i could not come out of...
