Emotions Collection

Loneliness

Facebook Post: 

Emotionally-challenged people can relate to these jokes! 

Ava Reahman: 

Stop already! This is why our generation is like this, because being a sociopath is now the new 'cool'! When did not caring about people become cool? 

Stephanie Bate: 

It's not that they don't care about people. It's that they don't know how to express it. They either feel awkward or embarrassed expressing extreme emotions or having extreme emotions expressed towards them. They may actually even feel happy to have someone express towards them, yet not act like it, because of an emotional restriction. And trying to comfort someone can be daunting, because you want to make them feel better, but you just don't know how, or you might make them feel worse, or there are so many things you can say or do that may be wrong. For example, when I'm sad, I don't like people knowing. So when I see my friends cry, I don't know whether I should ask them and hug them etc. or be silent and let them be by themselves.

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I sighed, and closed my laptop. A bird twittered overhead, but that was the only sound that could be heard. This was what I wanted, right? Nobody could find me here, somewhere I could be on my own away from prying eyes. 

If  I was honest, maybe I could believe that. Closing my eyes, I laid back onto the grass. 

"Oh um okay." My eyes were wide. My friends had just told me that none of them were going to be here for lunch. They were all going to be at a music rehearsal, one that I wasn't in.

Panic coursed through me at the thought of a lonely lunch, just sitting in the open by myself with everyone watching and either pitying me or judging me.

I laughed, and tried to mask the desperation in my voice. "Who's in the rehearsal?"

Penelope stared at me. "Who? Like, everyone in it?"

I nodded.

"Well, anyone who signed up for it."

Ohh. I guess I missed the sign up sheet.

"Mr.Mitchell made me sign up for it. He made our entire music class sign up," she chuckled.

"Oh ahaha. Sucks to be you!" I laughed.

The bell rang abruptly, cutting my fake laughter short. It was lunchtime.

With a wave, Penelope turned around and made her way to the music centre, and a little up ahead, my other friends joined her.

Well... what should I do now? My friends were heavily involved in the school's curriculum with all of them in several clubs and choirs, and helping out all the time. I was much more introverted and hardly pulled myself into the chaos known as school. But that created another dilemma. I couldn't count the number of times I'd been alone at lunch, wandering the hallways and gripping my lunch in my arms, meandering around, all in attempt to look like I was actually doing something instead of just being lonely and purposeless.

My group of friends was small, with only five of us including myself. The others were more outgoing and had friends outside of our group but I hardly associated myself with other classmates. Any social event of expectation of a conversation had me in a panic, frozen and stumbling over my words, or not saying anything at all out of fear of judgement or saying the wrong thing.

So it was natural that I had nowhere to go this lunch. Quickly stepping into the bathroom, I stalled my time. But I could only stay in there for so long. Sighing, I washed my hands and stepped out. Slowly rotating the lock on my door, with a satisfying click, it popped open. My hands seemed to move in slow motion as I grabbed my lunch box and laptop. But really, it had only been a minute or so. The hallways were now deserted, as many people were outside eating. The concrete grey floor seemed so bleak, as if amplifying my emotions into visuals.

Suddenly, voices and laughter rang out from around the corner. My heart skipped a beat, and within a second, I was around the corner of the lockers and out of their sight. I don't know why I hid. It wasn't like I was doing anything wrong, it didn't look like I was a lonesome wolf. I simply looked like an everyday student grabbing something from the lockers before returning to her friends. But still, I hid.

Now that I was outside, I walked around. Today at least, rather than walking aimlessly about the grounds, and passing the same group three times, I should find a secluded place to sit, away from prying eyes.

I passed through the oval, but that was littered with students everywhere. Groups of the uniform's grey and white was spotted everywhere amongst the green, as if they were grey flowers sprouting. This wouldn't work.

I continued walking, slowly lifting a spoonful of food to my mouth as I walked. This was embarrassing. Leaving the outside, I went back inside where it wasn't as crowded and only the occasional student or teacher hurried by. But they didn't stay, and no one suspected anymore of me. Going up stairs, I only found lone empty corridors and classrooms – not anywhere suitable to sit down and eat lunch.

Walking down another set of stairs, I came down by the pool courtyard. This would've been a good place to sit, if it weren't so open and spacious, and if there weren't several groups of the younger years sitting. Walking further on, I passed by the science labs. Further and further out, I came the other end of the science corridor, and at the end, stood a glass door and stairs travelling back up to the classrooms.

I walked up to the glass door. Outside was a pavement and a small grassy block, and then a metal gate. The entire area was only a few square metres. It was quiet. It was secluded. And nobody ever came down here.