A/N!!!! First of all, thanks for reading! The idea just popped into my head so beat with me if it sucks! Check out my fanfic called Exchange Students as well! It's an Ashton Irwin and Luke Hemmings fanfic. So anyway here's the imagine! Love you all!
Ashton's POV:
"Hey Y/N, I'm sorry I couldn't visit earlier. I had band practice. You always told me to practice before I came to see you so I've decided to keep that promise to you and to myself..." I murmured. I stared at my hands in my lap as I sat in front of my beautiful fiancee's stone. Yeah... As in tombstone. She passed away a year ago. A year today, to be exact.
As I stared my large hands I lightly smiled at the thought of her always saying that she loved how big my hands were. Since she was so much small than me, she said they felt as if they would always keep her safe. I swore to her I wouldn't ever let anything happen to her. I failed. I blame myself for what happened. I wasn't there. I wasn't in that vehicle. I should have been. I shouldn't have let her drive home by herself... I knew something might happen.
Suddenly I felt a rush of cold and a wave of emotion taking over me. I choke back a sob as I continue. It's been a few minutes of silence as I relived that night. The saying of our "see you later's". The last warm kiss. The phone call. Driving with the boys like maniacs to the hospital. The continuous yet slow beeping if the heart monitor, then it going flat. Screaming and kicking as doctors rushed in. Protesting against whoever was keeping me from rushing back to her side...
"Y/N... You were and always will be my everything. It's been a year... You're down there and I'm up here. I wish I wasn't though. The boys have noticed I'm not the same. Even the fans have. They're all concerned. But what do I tell them when they ask what's wrong? I tell them nothing. I can't bring myself to talk about it. At all. Except to you. Only you. Even if you can't say anything ba--" I choke up, letting the grief take over against my will.
As I sob into my hands I feel a soft touch on my back. I snap my head up, looking around. I see nothing. Then I hear it. I don't know if I'm crazy, but I hear it. A soft sound carried by the wind. It's her. She's with me.
"Y/N is that you? Are you here with me? Or am I just crazy? Sweetheart, I want you back! I want you to be here with me! You said you always would be! But your not... And it's my fault..." I cried, my voice getting quieter towards the end.
"Ashton..." I hear it again. A sweet song to my ears. The sweetest sound in the world.
"Y/N it's my fault and I can't take it back. I can't go back in time. I want you here. I NEED you here! I can't do this much longer!" I exclaimed, years streaming down my face at this point.
"Always..." it says. That was what we would say to each other every time one of us had to leave. We would say I love you and I would say that one word every time as I kissed her goodbye. That was the last thing she heard from me.
I turn back to the gray stone in front of me. Her name engraved in the hard rock, the dates of birth and... Passing. Written under those dates... "A sister, a best friend, a fiancee, and daughter." I had proposed to her about a month before. I loved-- love-- her more than anything. Even performing. Nothing could compare to how much I love this girl. She was perfectly imperfect...
"Y/N... I want to join you... But the boys... I couldn't leave them like that. Not in that way. You're probably frowning at me right now up there. But I can't lie to you. You might already know. I've tried. Each time the boys caught me. First with pills... Well it seemed to always be pills. That way I would fall asleep and just never wake up. I've heard that's the best way to go. But Michael walked in as I was even contemplating taking them. They wouldn't let me go anywhere alone if they could help it." I chuckled dryly at the memory. I had wanted to so desperately. They had stopped it.
"I didn't come out of my room for days after the funeral. I couldn't. I would only come out to use the restroom. Then I would go back in my room. When I had to eat, I would go out to the kitchen, grab something, and go back to my room. I was depressed. I still am I guess. I just talk a little bit more..." I rambled on.
After about an hour of being there, I decided I should probably get home. The boys would be worrying.
"I'm gonna go, Y/N. The boys will have a search party out for me soon enough. I'll come by tomorrow. I promise." I said, twirling the single red rose I brought with me in my fingers. I placed it gently with the others.
"I'll see you later, beautiful." I murmured, brushing dirt off my skinny jeans. I took one last glance at the stone before turning to my car, parked at the curb.
Climbing in the driver'a seat I wiped my hazel eyes of the tears left over. I noticed a piece of paper on the dashboard. It hadn't been there before got out. I picked it up slowly and read familiar handwriting. My eyes widened.
"None of it was and never will be your fault, Ash. I'm still here with you. I love you."
"Always..." I whispered.
"Always..." the sweet voice appeared again.
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