With You (a phanfiction)

Falling Down

DAN P.O.V

Today's the day. The day Chris asks out peej. Phil and I are in on the plan. If only I wasn't such a cowardly ugly shit... Then maybe I would have the guts to tell phil I'm bi-sexual and maybe even ask him out. Anyway I don't matter today, it's Chris and pj's day, well not that I matter any other day. Leaving my thoughts in the bathroom where I was getting ready I head out the door and knock on pj's dorm door. Peej greets me with a smile before looking around to see if it was just me. "Hey, can you help me with something on my laptop?" I ask. Pj gives me a confused look of suspicion. "I was told you know a bit about editing stuff." I say awkwardly . Pj nods and follows me outside to  where I told him I was working. We got to the bottom of the stairs and phil was sitting their on his phone smirking. "Oh hey PHIL." Peej sat down next to him. I rolled my eyes at the way Phil had giggled, his so bad at keeping surprises, surprises . Pj now looking very confused as I nuzzle my head Into Phil's neck causing pj to smile adoringly at us. I felt so content right then and there. That's it! Tomorrow I'm coming out to phil well if all goes well with the plan I'll tell him. If he hates on me its my fault but if I never tell him I'll regret it and that'll be my fault too. Better to have two friend groups that now hate me rather then only one that despising me but the other built on lies I guess. Actually the second sounds better. STOP! I'm telling him tomorrow that's it.

About 30 minutes later we head down to the bench near the fountain and open my laptop. Pj giggles when he sees my background is a picture of Phil,Chris, Connor, peej and I. I smile "Phil, made the edit" peej smirked and asked "what did you need help with?" I click on a video. It plays the song I can't stop falling in love and Chris's voice badly singing the song . Pj starts laughing and a hand taps him on the shoulder. Pj turns around as Chris slips his hands round his waist. Pj smiles and pulls Chris towards him. They kiss passionately before interwinding hands. "Hey peej" Chris whispers. Pj smiles and embraces Chris. "So, I have this question." I wish phil and I were this Close. Can't I be the one with a cute boyfriend. Distracted by my thoughts I had missed my cue to play more music. I look over at the now boyfriends before shuffling around the bench and to my laptop I hit play and head back to my thoughts. I notice Phil looking my way I smile at him but he shifts his eyes awkwardly to something behind me. I turn around slightly confused and notice a girl waving. Did phil al-already have someone? I thought he was single! He actually has someone! She must be the reason he ran off yesterday. The girl looked very fondly at phil. I turn back to my computer knowing tears are about to begin forming within my eyes.

As soon as Chris and peej leave I run up to the room not bothering to wait for PHIL. I look out the bedroom window and spot phil reaching for the girls hand a second later the girl with curly hair has embraced my lion in a warm hug. That's my job! Who is this chick? Stealing my man? Then I remembered who I was. I'm that kid that just takes up space that no one really cares about, oops I forgot. I knew there was something wrong! I actually felt worth something but you know had my fun back to reality. Phil has his girl with dark blonde curls. I'm alone. Remember?

The door creeks open and phil walks in quietly. "Hey, why'd you run off so quickly?" Phil asks concerned. I almost consider telling him about my sexuality untill I spot the girl waiting outside the door. I sigh.

"I've umm... Got a bit of a head ace" I lie

"Oh! Come here!" Phil says wholeheartedly while pulling me into a hug. I smile and snuggle into him. After a while we Break apart.

"I came up to see if you wanted to come with Carrie and I to the café down the street but, you're probably not up to it." Phil smiles sympathetically.

I roll my eyes and giggle " yeah I'll probably just stay in bed and watch a movie."

"Okay! I'll be back later. There's panadol in the cupboard if you need any." Phil smiles and walks out, rolling his eyes at something Carrie said as he closes the door.

PHIL P.O.V
I Should've told him! I wanted to stay so bad and just cuddle with him. His so adorable. His eyes are so brown and rich but broken in a sense. I smile to myself and look at the girl standing next to me. She goes by the name Carrie and I've been friends with since grade 2. She left my school during high school and only joined Uni this year! It was great to see her again. She's been with me through so much! She helped me be comfortable with who I am. It wasn't until we had reached the fountain that she spoke.

"WHY DIDN'T YOU KISS HIM!" Carrie screams at me.

"He was feeling sick!" I try to think of a better reason but nothing came to mind.

"You've told me you like him! And from what I can tell he likes you too"

DAN P.O.V
Did phil say panadol? Was he hinting I should you know maybe have a mouthful? Did he just say what I think he said? He's obviously close with this Carrie chick. He wants me out of  the way right? I head to the cupboard in the bathroom and know what to do. I know it's for the best. My heart racing and as soon as I'm about to back out I look out the window and see that carrie girl with phil again. An anger bubbles up inside me and a shove 6 pills into my mouth and swallow. There's no going back now. This is it. No one will probably even notice I'm missing so no need to write a note. I wish I could tell phil I love him but his happy and with me gone he can finally be with her properly. Chris is with pj. Connor has he's boyfriend in Australia. Mum has dad. I start going light headed and my heads pounding. My vision starts to blur when I hear someone walk in. SHIT! I proceed to walk into the bedroom feeling dizzy and sit down. Chris smiles at me before grabbing his coat and Running out to his boyfriend. I lay on my bed head pounding and heart beating fast. The door unlocks and none other then the fucking sun walks in. Phil smiles and puts on Spider-Man before cuddling with me. My whole body is now sweating and burning hot. I can feel my head start to ache and I look over to phil who is already looking at me."Why are you looking at me like that?" I asked curiously

"Your cuteness" phil blushed

"Trust me... I've been told many times I'm ugly and useless" i sighed.

"Hey! Why would you say that"

FLAHBACK

"You useless piece of shit"

"Go die in a hole you ugly little cunt"

Dans left wrist had a sudden surge of pain. His wrist was sprained.

"Why are you still alive"

"Hehe, we'll see you later ass hole" dans vision blacked out.

END OF FLASHBACK

Tears blurred my vision as i nuzzle my head Into phil's chest. I did what was best for the world right? Phil obviously was with someone else. Everyone else had loved ones who cares about them! Even Dustin and Connor are close again. For fuck sake even my parents turned me down once I came out as bi.My heart started to pound. Sweat reaching my hot hands. I look up now breathing heavily. Phil's curious blue eyes killed me. "I'm so sorry" I barely make out. My lungs started closing in on me and I see phil realise what I've done. Tears now filling both of our heartbroken eyes, phil pulls me close making sure I could hear him and whispers. "Dan. I'm in love with you,bear" my heart breaks I've done the wrong thing again.Why was I so stupid! I knew I shouldn't have been a coward. I'm so weak I can't believe I noped out of life so easily. It should't have been that easy! My heart pounds loudly in my chest as my throat begins to close. The end is near. My hands shaking and my head pacing I look into phil's teary eyes and mumble sadly. "Love you too lion" The last thing I see is phil grab his phone and start frantically dialling a number. I'll miss him and his kindness. I'll miss him and his humour. I'll miss him and his eyes. I'll miss him and his smile. I'll just generally miss him.