Story of a Wallflower : Freshman Year

May 30, 2016

Three days left until June 2nd (the last day of school.) Honestly I could care less when school ends but I am really happy I wont have to see Cindy for a while.

Toward the end of April, nothing important happened. I went to a color run one day with Heather. It was really cold and windy. Usually whenever I do a 5k, I run the whole thing but we literally run like 50 yards then Heather wanted to walk the rest. I know I shouldn't expect anyone my age to want to run the whole thing but at least jog. Since we nearly the whole thing, it made it colder....oppose to running to warm up the body. The last week of April was the last week of swim for the school swim team. I've came along ways from January. I almost like cheer as much as cheer.....probably even more. We went this whole season undefeated. The last Monday in April I went to the doctors to get a physical. Before you get a Physical, the doctor makes you fill out a questionnaire. Usually my mom fills it out for me but for some reason she wanted me to fill it out. I answered the whole thing 100% honest except when it said "Do you/have you ever had thoughts of suicide." Even I did/do, they wouldn't be able to make my world the happy place I want it to be. So why bother? But according to my mom I filled it out too honest. They asked me questions about my home life; Are abused in any shape or form at home and Do your parents have a drug and/or alcohol problem. I answered yes to both with yes, but my mom scribbled my answers and wrote no. She told me if I changed my answer she would punish me. I didn't change it. When I was in the doctors office they checked me for breast cancer. I didn't find out until this day that I had a lump on my "breast" when I was three. It wasn't cancerous but it scared the fuck out of my mom. She even told me that she cried. I was 100% physically healthy when I left the doctors office.

We (Spanish club), hosted a Cinco de May assembly the last Friday in April. In the assembly we showcased many diffewnt styles of dance all around the Hispanic culture. I danced Folklorico and Reagueton. In middle school, I was known for being a good dancer. The whole school new I could dance. that was my reputation. I never danced to these styles of music, so I was very pessimistic about my performance. the night before, we had a parent performance. My mom filmed me. I actually felt like I did really good but I didn't watch the video. The next day we had the assembly. Since we have a lot of students, we break it up into 3 assemblies. Cindy watched me in the the first assembly and Daniel watched me in the second assembly. I only messed up once and out all of the assemblies...it had to be the second one. Daniel was sitting right in front of me. Everyone I asked told me they didn't notice. I hope it is true. After the assembly, frequently throughout the day, people complimented me on how well I danced...even the people I did not know. Only one person critisised my dancing...Cindy. She said it was some of the worst dancing she has ever seen and I wasn't doing the moves right. She really bothered me throught the day. I started to believe some of the things. She told me that people were just saying I was a good dancer just to be nice and make me feel better. However, when I got home I told my mom I wanted to see the video and when I saw it, I was not disappointed. I did not mess up and I looked pretty cool.

May has been anything but uneventful. Many surprises happened. Some where good some were not so good.

As days go by, I've realized that my mom has been bugging me more and more about college and careers. I don't know what I want to be, but I am leaning towards something that as to do with entertainment, art, or music. Those are three things I am very passionate about. However, my mom says that jobs consisting of that won't take me anywhere. She keeps telling me to be an accountant. I am very good in math, but math is one of those things that I am good at but it does not spark my interest.

I am subscribed to a guy named Onision on YouTube. He is one of my favorite Youtubers. I saw one of his videos earlier this month and it was about a disorder I never heard of before. Trichotillomania.