Stuck

Chapter 10

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All my life I've been trying to live by my grandmother's wants and wishes. I've been under her shadows for so many years now. I did all my best to make her proud of me. I did every thing I thought a good grandchild should do. I strive hard academically, I respected people, I uplifted my character, I gained fame, good friends, good grades, but all of those are useless because she still sees me as a trophy of her son's failure and miseries.

Which I am not.

My dad is sure of it. He showed me the DNA test results, he even showed it to my Lola but my grandmother just can't seem to believe it. She tells my Dad that she has even bigger proof at hindi ko alam kung ano yun. Hindi ko na alam kung ano pa ba ang mas higit na pruweba kesa sa DNA test results na iyon.

I am an unexpected child. I wasn't supposed to happen.

My Dad got my mom pregnant right after he graduated college. My mom is still in second year college that time. My dad was supposed to go to law school but that never happened because I happened. I guess this fact also fuels my Lola's claim na anak nga ako sa labas. You see she claims that my mother and I made his son's life miserable. Pero sa tingin ko it's the other way around.

Eighteen.

My mom got pregnant at the age of eighteen. There were so many things she was supposed to do, at hindi pa dapat kasali doon ang mag-alaga ng bata. Her whole life was still ahead of her. Waiting for her to take on the journey.

But I guess things just don't go the way they are planned to happen.

I guess it never does right?

And that's the thrill of life. Dahil kahit gaano mo mang pagsumikapan na planuhin ang isang bagay at isakatuparan ito, laging may hahadlang sayo.

It's either you get past the hindrances or you take another path.

Sa aming dalawa ni Miguel which one would it be? Would we get past these hindrances that's causing us too much pain and be triumphant in the end? Or would we take another path leading us to God knows where?

Sa totoo lang hindi ko alam. Hindi ko talaga alam. All I know is that I really do love Miguel. I am in so much pain whenever I think about the pain I've caused him and the pain that I am still causing him.

Nakatulog ako na si Miguel ang laman ng isip ko.

Pati panaginip ko.

In my dream, nasa isang stasyon kami ng tren. Nagmamadali lahat ng tao, wari'y may hinahabol. Iniangat ko ang ulo ko upang makita kung sino ang lalaking hawak ang aking kamay. It's Miguel.

"Dali na Za! Bilisan mo, maiiwanan na tayo ng tren,"

Hila hila ni Miguel ang kamay ko at pilit ko naman siyang sinasabayan. Nakita ko na ang pag-usok ng tren at ang malakas na tunog nito hudyat na malapit na nga itong umalis.

Miguel's pace went faster and so did mine too.

"Tabi! Tabi! Sasakay kami! Sandali lang!" Miguel was now shouting. Urging people to get out of the way dahil baka nga hindi kami makaabot sa tren na sasakyan namin.

Nakita kong nakadikit na ang mga mukha ng mga taong nasa loob ng tren sa bintana upang tingnan kung makakaabot pa ba kami.

We ran, at kasabay ng pagtakbo namin ang paglandas ng tren.

Miguel was now running so fast. Konting mga yapak na lang ay maabutan na namin ang tren at makakasakay pa kami. His hold on my hand went tighter. Patuloy kami sa pagtakbo at alam kong aabot kami.