Contrast [ A One Direction AU ]

chapter one: pilot

chapter one: pilot 

• Clarisse •

I was never really that popular, pretty, sporty, musical, or anything that made me stand out in high school. In fact, the only thing that I was known for was my obnoxiously good grades and the fact that I was one of the few girls on our school swim team. Other than that, I was just quiet Clarisse who had her own small group of friends. 

And I was happy with that. At least, I was. 

When I was about to head off to university, my grandmother fell critically sick. She had gotten pneumonia from spending a few minutes too long in her garden, tending to plants that were already dying from the winter cold. My family rushed out to the country where she was struggling to stay alive in a hospital, with the heavy knowledge that we probably had to say goodbye. 

I remember holding her cold, frail hand, tears streaming down my face. I was struggling not to break down, trying to stay strong for her. I remember her eyes, glossy with old age, looking at me proudly. Her hand squeezed mine once, lightly, before she said,

"Clarisse, you beautiful child. Always so quiet, so safe." she whispered the last word, shaking her head fondly. "Child, there will come a day where you will wonder whether you have made a life worth living, a life worth wanting. And I want you to be be able to look back, and think, yes, God, yes I have. Live Clarisse, live like every day is going to end. I want you to wake up everyday and have hope in your heart. Touch others, learn from life and what it has to teach you. Be the person you want to be." 

I was crying by now. This felt too much like a goodbye. 

"Grandma," I sobbed, clutching her hand. 

"I love you Clarisse," she breathed, her eyes flickering once, "Make me proud." 

Then I remember the loud, scary, beeping, the rush of people around me, the sound of my mother's anguished cries. I remember being pulled away harshly, and I remember the sound of my strangled cry of "I love you," before being pulled completely out of the room.

My beautiful grandmother passed away 10 minutes after that, leaving me with her powerful words in my head. 

Since then, I've never lived a day that I've regretted living. 

- - - - - - - - - - 

I guess some people would call it my "wild phase."

I dyed the ends of my brunette hair bright, Phoenix red, got a tiny tattoo on my ankle of a bird in flight, completely changed my fashion style (I used to wear cardigans and skirts. I know, I can feel you cringing,) and started listening to basically every type of music there is. 

You might think that this sounds sightly demented. But it wasn't, not really. I was the same person, still nerdily obsessed with my grades, mostly quiet. I still had the same group of friends. The only thing that changed was how I chose to live everyday.

Before, I used to never smile at strangers, dropping my gaze whenever we accidentally made eye contact.

Now, I initiate the smile, and sometimes even greet them with a nice, cheery, "hello!" 

Before, I used to never thank the waiters, baristas, or basically anyone who served me in a store. I just gave them a small smile, and then left quickly without a single word.

Now, I always, always make a point to smile, and say a quick, "thank you." And when I'm in a good mood, "have a nice day." 

I used to be dull, blending so incredibly easily into the background.