when i was five or six i moved in with my dad and grandma. I meet my cousin from my mom's side when i first started at the school next to my grandmas house he was older than me around sixteen or seventeen. He would make me give him hand jobs and he would forcefully kiss me. He would touch me in places and eat me out. I hated staying at my great grandmas house because he would always be there waiting for me i was afraid of him he said if i ever told anyone he would kill me. I never knew it was wrong i was so innocent he told me it wasn't wrong that it was ok. This keep going on until i went to fifth grade or sixth.
When i was six i meet my cousin from my dad's side she was the same age as me. She did the same thing he did to me.I had to suffer all my life from the things they did to me. When i didn't see one i saw the other. Year after Year i had to endure the things they did to me.And one day when i was eleven or twelve i got a voice and told them to stop that i didn't want to do this anymore that this was wrong that they were sick for doing those things to me. they still forced them self on me but i tried everything to stop them.After days of saying no they finally gave up and left me alone.
Im 15 right now and i've hidden those memory's in the back of my mind for so long when im awake at night that i can't sleep those memory's come to haunt me and every time they do i hate myself for being so naive and stupid but always end up crying myself to sleep and feeling so numb. Everybody thinks im such a go happy girl that nothing can bring me down but in reality i all i want to do is to crawl in a hole and die.I've hidden those memory's from everyone nobody knows what they really did to me nobody knows how i really feel. I hate having to see there faces and pretend like nothing happened.I regret not telling anybody, i regret letting them do those thing, but most of all i regret is hiding because i was afraid of what people would think of me.
Im still afraid of telling anyone and i will always be afraid. And with that fear i will have to live with for the rest of my life.
Can you please leave this as anonymous...and thank you for letting me share my story and for letting those with out a voice like me have one even and taking some pressure of our shoulder knowing that we are not alone.
