"Only a few people care, the rest are just curious."
-Anonymous
"Let's just say you're strolling along, thinking about how beautiful the sky is, when you walk into a telephone pole. The second after your toe smashes into the pole, are you still thinking about that beautiful sky? Probably not. You're just thinking about how much your damn toe hurts.
Now, what if you were thinking about how you're such a selfish slut? What if you believed it? Would you rather be in the emotional anguish that comes along with berating yourself or would it be easier to have your toe hurt?
Yeah, that's what I thought. You'd rather stub your toe, wouldn't you?
Right after the body sustains an injury, it is kind of hard to be caught up in your thoughts. The physical pain provides a mental break from really horrible self-talk. The pain becomes a vacation."
-Tara Deliberto, "Why Do People Cut Themselves"
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The first time she ever cut herself was an accident. Leah had always heard cutting made you feel better, but she never thought she'd try it. Leah was playing with a blade, twirling it between her thumb and forefinger, waiting for her "so called" boyfriend to text back. Her phone buzzed twice, signaling a text from Bryan.
It read:
Lol you're right,
you're fucking stupid.
You're messed up.
An emotional mess.
And you hide
So many secrets
From everyone about
Yourself and ugh...
Gah, just.. Kill yourself.
It's better that way.
It's over.
"He promised he'd never judge me, and assured me I was normal..." Leah shuddered.
Leah dropped the blade in shock, causing the blade to skim across her thigh. A small trickle of blood dribbled down her leg. The sting felt so good.... It made her forget about the text Brin had just sent. Leah placed the blade back into her finger tips and sliced harder across her upper thigh. Number 1 of her intentional cuts. Leah stood up, with her leg stinging and aching, and threw her phone against the wall, shattering the screen. "I'm done with friends!" She happily cried. "You can't trust anyone in this twisted world." Next, she placed her blade in a secretive place and dabble the blood running down her leg with a tissue. No one needs to know about the cutting, she thought. I'm supposed to be a happy girl, no one needs to know my problems... Leah put on some longer pants and lay down her bed. Being emotional made her tired. "Time to go to sleep," she murmured. And that she did.
-----
"Wake up Leah, time to go shopping!" Leah's mom barged into her room. "Get ready, and take your pills. After we go back to school shopping, we have an appointment with your new therapist. Her name is Jamie and she's looking forward to meeting you! Now hurry up, you have an hour. Go!"
Leah shimmied her way out of the bed and trudged up the stairs to the shower. She stripped off her shirt and pulled down her pants. "Ouch!" The jeans stuck to her cuts. Leah took a warm washcloth and slid it between her skin and the pants. The pants came off with ease and less pain. She took off her undergarments and stepped into the shower, looking down at her scar. Dried blood crusted over and she rinsed it off slowly. Showers were so calming, but she always procrastinated in the shower. Turning around, Leah faced the shower nozzle, and felt the water drizzling down her hair. She reached toward the shampoo and lathered it into her hair. Yawning, Leah then rinsed it out and turned the knob all the way to the left. Hot water scorched her bare body and steam suffocated Leah. "Ahhh.." It was like a sauna, or so Leah thought. She'd never technically been to a spa.
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After the shower Leah threw on a pair of pink shorts that covered her scar and a white T-shirt. She bundled her hair up into a messy bun slid her slender ballet feet into a pair of yellow and white flip flops. Next, the makeup. That always took the longest. Not that Leah wore much makeup, she really didn't. It just took a steady hand and such precision. Luckily, Leah was an artist so she was pretty good at drawing on her face with eyeliner and such. Today she just slathered on some no shine primer, and added a little bit of her favorite purple mascara. There. She was done. Though she was finished, Leah didn't want to leave, she didn't want to go shopping. Shopping was so boring. You'd think she enjoyed it, since she was always hanging with the popular crowd, and one of their main hobbies was, indeed, shopping. But shopping was... Boring. As was everything these days. It seemed to Leah as if she couldn't enjoy the little things in life anymore. In fact, she couldn'tk enjoy anything. What were emotions? She didn't feel emotions. No emotions came to her but random bursts of sadness and pain. She didn't take pleasure in anything anymore. She didn't get guilty whenever she hurt someone, in fact, it almost made her feel... Better, to know that someone out there was suffering besides her. She felt like she was a chess player, they were the pieces. She could play them and mess up their emotions so they knew what it felt like to be Leah, and what she'd been through.
Leah stared into the mirror as she thought all these thoughts. The mirror shook violently as Leah lunged forward and punched it with both her fists. Bloody knuckles. Leah had known she had to release all the tension that was built up inside of her. She rinsed off her knuckles and spread ointment onto them. Afterwards she bandaged them up. She sighed as a tear or two streamed down her face. Time to go shopping at Hell Mart.
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All of this stuff happened to a person I knew. It's all based on a true story.
It'll make me feel a lot better to let people know what happened to this girl...
Please read.
We need to get this story out there.
I changed names for privacy, I even changed the main character's name.
