Thursday's Angel

The Angel of Thursday

"Dean..."

He didn't want Jack squat.

"Dean."

He didn't want to think about Sam. He didn't want to listen to the voices in his head telling him to stop driving and put a bullet in his brain. He didn't want to feel heavy with the burden of having to keep his promises. He didn't want -

"Dean!"

Castiel's urgent tone shook Dean from his dark musings. The hunter didn't know he was gripping the steering wheel too tightly, knuckles going white and trembling. He was just registering the burning sensation in his eyes and the wet feel of tears rolling down his cheeks when he realized he was crying. Dean panicked. He tried to dry his face with the back of his hand in annoyance but was too frustrated to do it properly. The Impala abruptly stopped moving, Dean killing the engine off and slumping tiredly in the driver's seat. The hunter couldn't find the strength to drive anymore.

A warm and solid hand clutched his right shoulder and the Winchester knew his soul wasn't going to fly off to his own personal hell anytime soon. He felt grounded, secure, and all because of Cas' reassuring warmth and grace permeating through his flesh and bone. The hunter was never so grateful to the angel before. Probably more grateful than him dying twice and rebelling against his family. If that didn't say anything about how messed up he was, he didn't know what could.

Dean took in the view of his friend's furrowed brows and deep frown, and the outstretched hand still firmly resting under the celestial brand that was seared into his skin. It reminded the hunter that Castiel isn't just an angel – he's the angel who raised him from Hell. Cas was taken for granted and the thought made him feel guilty. He didn't deserve Cas' loyalty and he didn't deserve Sam's sacrifice. He wasn't strong enough for the three of them and look what happened.

"If I could take the pain away, I would do it... in a heartbeat," the angel murmured in low tones, halting at the words that were too human for him, as if tasting the emotions on his tongue. "But it's not a wound I can heal, I am sorry."

Dean glanced at his feathered friend and mustered a bitter smile, "You've done more than enough Cas. I honestly don't even know why you're still here." Because everyone leaves and he doesn't understand why Castiel, with his shiny new wings, isn't doing his disappearing act and reclaim his angel status in Heaven.

For all the times that Cas said that he wasn't there to perch on Dean's shoulder, that he didn't serve him, he was there to protect - to guide and to guard. "You're my charge, Dean, and I'm your Guardian Angel. I take my job seriously," the angel stated.

That made the hunter release a surprised snort of laughter. He didn't understand why it was so funny but the way Castiel said it sounded so in-character. It was hilarious. He slapped Cas' back fondly, remembering the times when it was the end of the world and the angel was dragged into Dean's shenanigans. Sam quit hunting then and Cas was there as temporary replacement. It seemed even now, his friend was there when his little brother couldn't and still, Castiel made him laugh.

"So now what, you're gonna follow me to Lisa's and sing me to sleep?" It was a sarcastic off-hand suggestion but the hunter could see a slight smirk forming in the angel's face. Seriously?

"Actually, that's not a bad idea."

There is no way - no way that that's happening.

"Nuh-uh, that's not happening, Angel." This was ridiculous, the heaviness of the situation just turned into a whole new level of bizarre. A part of Dean was relieved that Cas was there to comfort him in his own weird way and another part was just freaked out.