Three is a crowd.

Goodbye.

John quietly entered Nick's apartment and shut the door behind him. He didn't bother knocking, after all he had no need to really. It had took him a lot of courage to even open the door, giving the events he knew were about to unfold. He found him sat cross legged on the living-room floor, smoking a cigarette and surrounded by music sheets. Immediately, there was a million different thoughts running through his head. This may be the very last time he was going to see his best friend and secret lover for a few months, maybe even a year. John wanted to make this special, for the both of them.

"John!" Nick squealed when John entered the room. He put out his cigarette in the ashtray and wrapped his arms around John's neck. Nick stood on his tiptoes and planted a kiss on John's lips. John couldn't help but smile at his best friend, who was dressed in pale blue silk pajamas. John wasn't going to lie, he looked adorable. Nick began to undo John's coat, but knew there was something wrong when John slowly pushed him away and sat on the sofa. A worried expression grew on Nick's face. John never rejected him, ever.

"John what have I done?"

"Nothing Nicky..." John couldn't help but let out a laugh. Nick was so adorable when we was all worked up. God, he wanted to fuck Nick there and then. He wanted to hear his high pitched cries and moans in harmony with is own. He wanted to have the long rough make out sessions, where he would ram Nick up onto every wall and surface he could, making him beg for more. He wanted to hold Nick close in bed afterwards, singing him to sleep and playing with his hair. However, John knew he couldn't. He couldn't even touch Nick, because he knew if he did he would never leave.

"Then what is it? I know something is bothering you." Nick sat next to John on the sofa, facing him and waiting for an answer.

"Promise me you won't get mad?" John laughed, giving a reassuring smile to Nick who scowled.

"I promise! What is it?"

"I'm leaving Duran Duran with Andy. I need a break from this Nick. Everyone is fighting, i'm ruining my life with all this already and i'm only 24... I can't take it anymore." John said quickly. Nick was staring at John is disbelief.

"John don't be silly! We've built this since we were kids-"

"Don't you see Nick? We still are kids!" John raised his voice a little. Nick looked down, fiddling with a button on his pajama top. He didn't say anything for a while and John grew worried. "Nick..."

"No I get it, you- you want a break. It's okay..." Nick looked up and John could tell he was trying not to cry. He went to reach out to him, but he flinched away.

"Nick please don't take it personally." This was not how John wanted this to go. This was far from how he wanted this to go. God, he'd made his best friend cry. The last time he'd seen him cry was when he got bullied at school when he was about 14. John made sure that they left him alone, and he vowed he would never let anyone make Nick cry again.

He never dreamed that he would be the one to do it.

"I'm not." Nick snapped quickly, wiping under his eyes. John didn't know why, but he needed to get out of there. He couldn't breathe, guilt washing over him. Nick wasn't helping the situation. In fact, he was making it a lot worse. He looked up at John, his dark green eyes glassy with tears. "You know you don't have to leave you know. You can get a girlfriend and no one will ever know about us-"

"For fuck sake Nick! Stop thinking about you! Don't make the guilt any worse!" John snapped suddenly, surprising the both of them. Nick stared wide eyed at John, who was still trying to process what he had just said.

"Fine." Nick said quietly. He didn't move, just avoided eye contact with John, biting his lip.

"I'm sorry Nick." John said shortly, standing up to leave. He couldn't be here anymore, he couldn't bare looking at Nick, he felt too guilty, too ashamed, too scared and too heartbroken. Just before he reached for the door handle, he heard Nick quietly say something. John could tell he was crying by how shakily it was said.

"I'll still be here for you when you come back, I love you."

John paused for a split second, unsure on whether he should respond or not.

"Don't waste your time Nicky, goodbye."

With that he closed the door, mentally cursing himself for what he had just done.

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Author's note: This broke my heart to write :/
Anyway, more soon! (Simon comes in next Yass)