why me...

the beginning

It was horrible everything in my blood was melting away why did this happen where did it start

lets go back to the beggining

27 years ago to where it all started

I was just a little girl I had my hopes and dreams set on big prioritys in my life

I lived in a foster home my parents have died in the car crash years years ago I was born not even knowing my own last name

but life did quite suck there was a young boy named Toby he was my best friend he understood everything me and him both have parents who died me and him both were in the same foster home

there was something different about him I couldn't quite tell but he was my first crush at such a young age I was just so in love even though I didn't know what love is

Toby did everything with me he even slept in the same bed as me we didn't do anything inappropriate but I couldn't spend a day without him or even seconds

Toby always make me laugh even when I would cry and when the kids at the foster would bully  me he would always stand up for me even when he would get beat up I wish I could help him all the time but sadly I was so weak I couldn't

Toby gave me everything everything I ever wanted he even gave me his  favorite necklace that he had left of his parents

Toby was the same age as me people used to tell us how we look like twins I would always deny it but he would then laugh and says thats impossible she's more beautiful than me

me and toby eventually grew up we are about sixteen about now when we had our first kiss I remember it just like it was yesterday it was under an oak tree right beside the prettiest like that we would always go to cheer us up so he was fooling around and pushing me and i eventually fell on top of him and I kissed him that's how I knew I was in love with him if only if only......our love could have lated forever ...

me and Toby ended up moving out after 19 years of being best friends

and 6 years of being lovers

Toby immediately started his own company which created millions of dollars we've had a perfect perfect house everything just seemed amazing

toby eventually asked me to marry him I could not resist and say no I was so in love.tears Begin to fall out of my eyes I said yes I will marry you it would be an honor to marry you

if only I knew......

Toby and me

had a little bit too much to drink one night and made love it was the most amazing night I will ever have but now it's the most disgusting that i will ever think of

the next day I woke up with morning sickness

then the next week I woke up with morning sickness

than the next month my belly became bigger and I woke up with morning sickness again

I couldn't help but notice that I was pregnant I immediately ran to the store and got a pregnancy test

I was right

if only I knew....

Toby Toby guess what!!!

i yelled while running down the hall

into the dining room

he replied not now honey I'm working on a really big business please tell me later

  I can't wait I have to tell you right now it's really important

are you dying??

I replied no

than yes It can wait

just like how I waited to the find out that I was pregnant

he jumped up

your what!!!?

yes Toby I'm pregnant

I've been pregnant for about....

4 months

why do you think I've been getting so big lately and throwing up so much

oh my God honey I thought you were just throwing up from what alison was making

alison was are maid

and I didn't even know that you were getting big I think you still look beautiful perfect size and all

oh honey thank you but...

two weeks is the ultrasound and I really want you to be there can you please cancel that meeting and make it

I'll see what I can do......

5 months have passed

and I had a little baby girl

i name her Jeremiah

but sadly

she had a disability

she had Down syndrome

she was still beautiful in every way

but i come to realize time flies fast

but if only I knew

me and toby ended up getting curious of who our parents were so we tried a site called ancestry.com after some research the foster home found our last names they were the same..... it was runsons

so we come to realize

our six years of marriage was fake

he was my brother......

now I'm here ..

what am I to do

so I put Jeremiah up for adoption

I never want her to find out she will have a better family now and she will not be shammed on

I can't even look at him the same anymore let alone speak to him

no it's not his fault I know it's not his fault but all I want to do is just choke him kill him he took away my life you took away my perfect perfect life but I know it's not his fault let alone I want to kill myself for this

but I can't kill him

soo...

im..

writing this note right now of my story

I'm sitting on top of the treetop

rope burning my hands

i then place  the Rope around my neck

take a deep breath

and fall

I  see my life flash before my eyes

a sight I wish I never got to see

but if only i knew ....

I am now writing to you be on My Grave

my tomb stone Lifts the spirits of hate and anger

sadly no one's perfect

not me

not him

and not you

now it's time to get the life that I always wanted

will it be yours

cuz I'm tired of sitting here

in my coffin

saying

why me.....