Thorns In The Flesh (WHIPPED SERIES #2) (Completed)

Chapter 10

I love you

Suot ang puting polo na pinaresan ng khaki shorts, naglakad si Cain papunta sa akin. It was the Christmas gift that I gave him. Sinuklay ng kaniyang daliri ang magulong buhok at ngumiti.

"Bagay ba?" He asked and moved to kiss me on the cheek.

I hummed in response and nodded. He smiled and wrapped his arm around my waist. Like always.

"Kumain muna tayo," saad niya at giniya ako palabas ng resort.

"Saan mo gustong kumain?"

I pursed my lips. Wala naman kasi akong definite na paboritong pagkain. Kahit ano pwede. Though, I was raised by a strict father when it comes to food. Hindi naman ako nag-iinarte kapag may pagkain na sa harap. But if he insists, I'd tell him I would like some native foods... just from the local.

"You're so silent."

Agad ko siyang tiningnan nang bigla siyang huminto. He raised his hand to touch my cheek as he gently caress it.

"May problema ba?"

"Wala naman."

"Mara.."

I just found out that whenever he calls me Limpoco, galit siya o di kaya'y naiinis. Kapag Mara naman, naglalambing.

Ngumiti nalang ako. Kasi ang totoo, kinakabahan pa rin ako. Sa nagdaang dalawang araw ay hindi pa rin matanggap ng sistema ko na sinagot ko siya. I know that in this generation, hindi na bago ang makipag-relasyon. Pero kapag nandun ka na pala, may pakiramdam pala na gusto mong mag back-out. Lalo na kapag una mo palang subok.

"Mara, magkakaroon ako ng indigestion dahil sa'yo. You can tell me anything that's bothering you."

"Wala naman kasi talaga,"

Minsan, ang hirap din na mag open-up. They said the best relationships started in friendship pero bakit ganito ang pakiramdam ko? I feel like anytime, magco-collapse ako dahil hindi ko man lang masabi ang saloobin ko sa kaniya. Siguro kasi hindi pa ako ready?

"Mara naman.."

The day ended just like that. Him asking me what's wrong until he got tired of it and just shut me out.

Kakatapos ko lang mag-shower nang tumunog ang doorbell ng room ko. I quickly combed my hair neatly and walked toward the door to check the person behind closed door.

Pinagbuksan ko siya ng pinto at pinaupo sa kama ngunit hindi siya nakinig. Sinara lang niya ang pinto saka sumandal doon.

"Mara.."

He said in the most defeated sound I've ever heard. Hindi siya galit. Hindi rin siya masaya. Hindi ko alam pero sumisikip ang dibdib ko sa tuwing nakikita siyang ganito. Gusto ko siya, I admit it. Pero natatakot ako na baka kapag sinubukan ko ang bagay na ito, magkamali ako. And everytime I commit mistakes, siya ang madali kong malapitan. Paano kapag pareho kaming nagkamali? I only have him. He only has me. We only had each other.

"Cain, gabi na."

"Hindi ako makatulog."

"Gusto mo ng kausap?"

Ngunit hindi siya sumagot. Bagkus ay tinitigan lang ako bago mariing pinikit ang mata. His chest was rising and falling, clearly unable to breath properly.

"Cain?"

"You were too silent for no good reason. Alam ko naman na normal na sa'yo ang pagiging tahimik but a little talk won't harm you, Mara. Gusto ko lang naman malaman kung may mali ba akong nagawa o baka may bumabagabag sa'yo."

Halos marinig ko ang pagtambol ng aking puso. He looks so frustrated I can already imagine him ram his fingers through his hair, pinch his nose, hold his nape or sigh in defeat.

"I cannot function properly knowing that we're not okay. Kahit na sabihin mong wala namang problema, nararamdaman kong meron. Nakakaramdam din naman ako, Mara. If this is about the relationship that we're having right now. You can tell me. Siguro masyadong mabilis ang pangyayari kaya ka nagkakaganyan. But you know I can take it slow, right? I have full control of myself now."

I closed my eyes and prayed silently that he'd be over this. Nasasaktan akong nakikita siyang nagkakaganyan ng dahil sa'kin.

"We're just starting but I feel like I keep on failing you without even me realizing it."

Umiling ako saka nilapitan siya. Isang dangkal lang ang lapit namin. Gusto ko pa siyang lapitan pero gusto ko ring sabihin sa kaniya kung anong nararamdaman ko.

I kept on staring back at his longing eyes. Gustong-gusto kong hawakan siya at sabihing okay lang kami kahit na ang totoo, hindi. Hindi ako okay kasi pakiramdam ko, nagiging distant ako sa kaniya.

"You're not failing me. I'm sorry. Tama ka, nagulat lang ako sa bilis ng takbo ng pangyayari. You know that you're my first, right? The feeling was just.. overwhelming."

"Gusto mo ba na ituloy na'tin ang deal? I can do that. Baka mas mabuti ngang ganoon.."

"No, no. It's okay."

Inabot ko iyong kamay niya at hinawakan iyon ng maigi.

"You were my friend before you became my boyfriend, Cain. Natatakot lang ako. Sobrang takot ko to the point that slowly.. I started building walls between us."

"Pero, Mara.."

"I was still in denial. Kaibigan kita, eh. If our relationship fails, there's no more Cain whom I can call whenever I've got problems. There's no more me who'll be there to comfort you."

"Takot din naman ako," saad niya at hinawakan ang magkabila kong pisngi. His forehead touched mine as he stared back at me. "Takot na takot akong sumugal. Pero mas nakakatakot iyong pakiramdam na baka pwede palang mag work-out. Bakit hindi ko man lang sinubukan? Paano 'pag naunahan ako?"

Ramdam na ramdam ko ang hininga niya sa bawat salita. Nakagat niya ang pang-ibabang labi saka marahas na bumuga ng hangin. Mabigat ang kaniyang bawat paghinga nang hindi inaalis ang tingin sa akin.

Ngumiti ako. Tumango ng marahan saka siya binigyan ng isang halik sa labi. Just a mere peck and all my worries are gone. Ngumiti siya pabalik saka marahang nilandas ang hinlalaking daliri sa aking mukha.

"Sorry.."

I shook my head. I told myself before that whatever he gives, I will give back. We were friends before we got into this relationship. Kilala namin ang isa't-isa kaya't hindi namin kailangan ng pagdududa.

"No, sorry.. I must've underestimated our friendship. We built it for years," I trailed off. Hinawakan ko ang kamay niyang nasa pisngi ko at nginitian siya ng mas malapad. "Maybe we can build a much stronger relationship other than friendship."

Mabilis siyang tumango at natawa sa aking tinuran. His smile was brighter than the sunrise, his eyes were hopeful and sincere.

"Thank you.."

"Let's stop saying I'm sorries and thank you-s."

Mas lumapad ang kaniyang ngiti saka marahang tumango.

"Of course," he said in a whisper. Mas nilapit niya ang mukha sa akin at halos maramdaman ko na ang dulo ng kaniyang labi. And then he whispered..

"I love you."