Cuts and Wounds

I.

Everything is fake. The sobs,the flowers,the speeches,everything. All I wanted was to get out of this fucking place. How could they not feel anything? "She will always be remembered, even if she has left us." Bullshit. All of them are liars. No one loves her as much as I do. No one.

"She was the best friend I've ....." Before that unknown bitch could even finish or I should say start her pity speech, I ran out of the place. I'll get to see her later. When no one's watching.

"Honey want anything?" "No mum,can't you see that I'm hurting right now?" "I know dear,but you have to eat something. I know she doesn't want you to starve because of her."

I winced at little at the mention of her. "Alright, just give me what you got." "I have some cookies, is that alright? We have milk in the fridge." "Should be okay."

I sat down as my mother brought me cookies and a glass of milk. "Thanks mum." "Welcome." She sat on another chair and watched me eat them, followed by downing a glass of milk.

"So...how did she, you know, leave?" "She killed herself. Committed suicide." I reply, emotions not showing a little bit at all. I don't want to break down in front of my mum, I'm eighteen for God's sake.

My mother puts her hand on my knee, "You know we can always talk about it, you don't need to keep things bottled up. Everyone has it's up and downs. Now it's your down. Just let it all out, I won't mind sweetie."

"I don't want to be a burden mum, but I don't understand why she left me, we were doing so well. Something's not right here." "I don't think that's true love, maybe she left something near you, maybe a text? Or even a letter?"

"I checked my phone, zero messages are from her, only some 'sincere' condolences from unknown people." "Did you check your room?" "....No. I was to hurt to even look around my room, let alone check whether she left me something where I cannot see."

My mum pats me on the back."Then go search! You never know what you will find!" I just simply nod, not really caring about what my mum said.

Later on I went upstairs to do as what my mum asked, since I do have second thoughts on everything. I'm a sucker for my thoughts, they always win.

I opened my drawers, my books, and my bed. And guess what I found. A diary.
And it belongs to her.
And my mum was right.
She did leave something for me.

I try not to let a tear slip out of my eyes as I opened the diary.

Dear Liam,

Well, guess you found this eh? I knew you would find it, you're a smart one love. This whole diary consists of my story, the truth about me stories that I never told you, and I feel that now is the time for you to know it. Don't cry too much Li, you know I hate it when you cry ;)

(Oh and also always remember I love you (: )

And how did she stay so cheerful and happy when writing this, that's a mystery to me.