Legend has it that "sluts" are lurking all around. You might encounter one on a shadowy street corner or posing in a magazine. But those tricksters also blend in easily at school, at church functions, and even in your own home. Constant vigilance is...
We grow up learning that a woman's sexuality must be carefully controlled by someone other than the woman herself. It's one of the reasons we're still so uncomfortable acknowledging female masturbation. It also means that from a young age, we find ourselves chasing an impossible, unfair goal: we must be seen as sexy, but not too sexy. Not out-of-control sexy.
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There are, of course, some things that simply are out of your control. The weather, for example. Or which team wins the Super Bowl. But your sexuality is not one of those things, and it's time to stop acting like it is.
At any point before or during (or after) a sexual encounter, you are in control of your body. You have the power to decide that what's happening, or what seems like it's about to happen, is not okay with you. Even if you have consented to something already, you can rescind that consent whenever you feel like it. But understanding this concept is one thing – putting it into practice is another. It's possible that your power might be forcibly taken away from you in the form of sexual assault. If that happens or has happened to you already, it's important to recognize that you bear no responsibility for that crime.
Thankfully, in most scenarios, both partners will want to ensure that everything is consensual. Clear communication is key to making sure your boundaries are respected. We all have different sexual preferences, and that's why it's important to find a partner whose turn-ons are compatible with ours. It's a good idea to talk about these things before you even start making out or getting undressed, so you and your partner are on the same page from the start, but let's be real: that doesn't always happen.
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So here are some practical ways to get comfortable asserting control over your body at any point during a hookup:
When you need to say "NO."
When you want to deny sexual consent, it can be hard to get the words out. Hopefully, your partner will respect your body language and stop whatever they are doing. But unfortunately, we live in a world where that doesn't always happen. So get comfortable putting your foot down with a big, powerful, "NO." Put your hands on your belly and take a deep breath. Feel your lower ribs expand as you inhale. When you speak, contract the muscles in your abdomen and use the power inside you to propel the breath up, through your body, into your throat, and out of your mouth in the form of the word "NO!" Right now, give it a try.
