May 31, 2016
The sun is falling lower and lower and I'm getting more nervous by the minute. I hate seeing people in public. I hate meeting people at school. I feel sick when I'm talking to fucking teachers I see everyday. But all of that sickness and nervousness is ten times worse around my parent's friends. They ask questions and expect me to explain everything about myself. Ugh.
I lay on my bed, whisper screaming lyrics and playing air guitar until Mom tells me to go downstairs.
"Alex! Turn that devil music off and come down stairs! You better be dressed!" She screams. I roll out of bed, not worried about my hair getting messed up because it's in pig tail braids, and press pause on the radio.
"Mr. Jingles," I say. He comes running to the bars of his cage when he hears his name. "If I get pissed off and go ape shit crazy on someone's ass down there, pack your shit 'cause we're running away mouse."
I take a while walking down the stairs, breathing heavily like a race horse. What are they gonna say? Are they going to bombard me with questions, or just smile and act like I'm invisible the whole time?
The reaction I get from the Ways tells me that I'm going to be bombarded with questions. Fucking great.
"Oh Alex! You look stunning!" Says Mrs. Way. I fake a smile and I feel tears again. Shit. Not this! Here comes my fucking social anxiety.
"Um, thank you." I stammer. Mr. Way smiles.
"We've heard some good things about you. So you're 18? So is Gerard!" She says and gestures to a boy sitting next to her. I didn't notice the boy at first, Gerard, but I'm guessing that's their son. Jesus, I finally get to talk to an attractive person an I look like a fucking flower.
"Cool." I say and take a seat across from Gerard.
"How do you like CPHS? Gerard is home schooled." Mr.Way asks.
I take a moment to comprehend the question. I want to curse him out and tell him that the question he just asked me is more like a fucking joke, or an insult.
"Oh, uh, it's nice. The teachers are good and the students are nice." I say, trying my best not to crawl under the table and cry of embarrassment and anger.
"That's great! How are your grades sweetie?" He asks. I clench my fists in my lap. I always made principle'a list.
"Uh, I um graduated with principle's list." I say. He's smiling ear to ear, like a toddler in a candy store.
"Gee makes okay grades," Mrs. Way chirps and purses her lips. "He's a merit student. Always has a C."
Gerard's pale cheeks turn into a light shade of pink and he looks like he wants to cry too. I want to cuddle him and tell him it's gonna be okay, and that I know what it's like when your mom's a psycho bitch. But sadly I can't do that.
"No one'a perfect, you know." I seethe through gritted teeth. Gerard smiles but when Mrs. Way looks at him it fades quickly.
"Oh I know that! But I also know he can do better. He's a smart boy!" She says.
"Not all smart people make perfect grades!" I say, louder than I mean to.
"Alex, it's okay. Don't get worked up," Mom says. She sighs and looks at Mrs. Way. "She's smart and beautiful, but her temper is short. And her taste in music, don't even get me started about that!"
I'm so pissed, I'm surprised there isn't smoke coming out of my ears. "I like Smashing Pumpkins." Gerard says.
"We know, sweetie, we can tell by what your wearing and-" Mrs. Way stops talking, rolls her eyes, and takes a deep breath.
"And what? What! Just because he wears dark clothes and makeup doesn't mean he likes a certain type of music! God! Yeah he's not perfect, but neither are you, you bitch! Would your precious little God ever want you to judge someone by the way they look? Would he? Huh? Answer me!" I yell. Mom drops the box of raw spaghetti noodles she's holding on the floor and they fly everywhere. Her mouth is gaping and she looks like a confused gold fish.
Mrs. Way looks frightened and Mr. Way's warm smile has turned into a scowl.
Dad is awkwardly shaking his head and scratching the back of his neck.
Gerard, on the other hand is biting his lip trying not to laugh. I smile at him.
"Are you really smiling about what you just said? You are a disgrace!" Mrs. Way spats, I smile bigger.
"Yes! I'm a disgrace! An underdog! Just an overcast kid! A killjoy! A fucking sinner! Emo! Yes! That's me! A disgrace! Nothing more and nothing less!" I yell. It feels so good to get that off my chest. The expression I get from her makes every thing so much better. I would rather get in trouble for telling someone about themself than to be loved by these people I don't even know.
"Alex, I would like you to go up to your room." Mom softly says. I giggle.
"Good. It's not like I was gonna eat anything anyway, stupid bitch." I get up and tip my chair over.
In my room, Mr. Jingles is carrying pieces of food from his bowl to the door of his cage.
"Oh, mouse. You're human aren't you?" I ask. He squeaks in response. I laugh and plop onto my bed.
I hear feet shuffling up the steps. Shit. Then there is a single soft knock on my door. I say noting, just wait.
"Hello?" It's Gerard's voice.
"Come in." I say. He slips through the door.
"That was really fucking awesome." He says. And leans against the door after he closes it.
I sit up and make room for him. He sits cross legged on the opposite side if the bed.
"Thanks. I can't stand when moms act like cunts. I'm used to it with my mom, but yours had no fucking right to say any of that shit about you." I say and he nods.
"She's quite a bitch. And my dad is just, I don't know, scared of her I guess. He always takes her side because he's too much of a twat to say anything to her. He would have probably agreed with you if she wasn't there and you were just talking shit." He says. He's very attractive up close. Longish black hair. Hazel eyes. Pixie nose. His smile is crooked and teemed with perfect, little, white teeth. Hot. As. Fuck. Jesus. Christ.
"Well, I would've probably kept all that to myself but, I was just so fed up with the bullshit, all that anger and just, I don't know. I'm weird, I'm not very good at expressing my feelings calmly, so I turn into this major asshole." I say and he flashes that smile. That fucking smile will be the death of me.
"I like that. The fact that you can go and stand up to people who picking on others. And not just for yourself, for people you don't even know." He says. My face heats up and I feel my cheeks turn crimson.
I shrug. "I have a limit, if you cross it, the little bit of sane that's somewhere inside of me leaves and I go off." I say. He's staring at me like I'm a teacher reading him a story he's interested in, then our eyes meet for a few seconds. I feel like I'm about to die, so I look away.
"You have really pretty eyes." He says.
"But they're brown. Like shit brown." I say.
"Yeah, but I like brown eyes. And brown hair. I think it's beautiful." He says. I choke on my breath and smile.
"I-I like your ey-eyes too." I stutter and clear my throat.
"My eyes are brown too, Alex." He says.
"Hazel." I correct him. He rolls his eyes.
"Same shit." He says.
"Um, why did you come up here?" I ask, and of course, it sounds mean coming from me.
He shrugs. "I asked your mom and dad, and your mom was like 'yeah you can probably calm her down a bit!' And then your dad was like 'don't do anything crazy!'" When he mimicked my parents I couldn't help it, I bust out laughing. It's one of my loud and stupid and snorty laughs that barely happen.
This causes him to laugh and my stomach starts to hurt, then I double over, then my head lands in his lap, and now there is nothing but eerie silence.
"Oh, s-s-sorry. I didn't mean t-"
"Hey, it's okay, it's okay. If you were someone I didn't like, that would be an issue but..." I close my eyes and smile.
"I'm not used to being liked, if you um, even like me, so are you being, uh sarcastic?" Why must I be so fucking awkward! What even? Fuuuuuuuuuuu.
"Sarcastic? Really? Would I do this if I was being sarcastic?" He says.
"Wha-" he grabs my face and pulls it close to his. Our eyes meet again.
"This." He says and kisses me.
I don't know what is even happening. The collision of his kiss, his soft lips, and his nose occasionally brushing against mine. Holy fucking fuck.
When he pulls away, my eyes are still closed, and I can't catch my breath because I keep thinking about him and the kiss and my breath hitches every time.
"I'm sorry if I startled you, I just like you and the way you do things and your personality." He cringes and closes his eyes.
"No, you didn't, that was great. I like you too." I say as rub his back.
"So, you're going to the bible camp?" He asks.
"Yeah. Against my will." I say.
"Me too." He says.
"Why?" I ask.
"Because I guess we're friends, and I just wanna know if there's going to be anyone there I can tolerate." He says.
"Well, I'm gonna be there, and I have no friends, besides you, I guess, and it would be nice to have someone there. You know, a friend." I say.
"Yeah, I-"
"Alex! Gerard!" My mom yells. "Come down here!"
All of the happiness in Gerard's face leaves. He stands up and offers me a hand. I take it and we make our way down to the kitchen.
"Alex, I would like you to apologize to the Ways, especially Mrs. Way, for your behavior." Dad says.
I roll my eyes and snort. "No. Not until she apologizes to Gerard." Mrs. Way sighs.
"I'm sorry, Gerard." She says, obviously not meaning it.
I cross my arms. My turn bitch. "I am so very sorry for my behavior. I will strive to do my best to impress you people I don't know so my parents can look good. I don't think I can apologize enough." I coo and make a pouty face.
"Okay, Alex, cut the crap. Apologize for real." Mom says.
"No."
"Yes!"
"I will not!"
"Why!"
"Because I'm not sorry! She was the one who started this! If he wouldn't have been an ass to Gerard, I wouldn't have lost my shit. I'm not sorry. You can make me fucking apologize all you want. No matter how real it sounds, it's not gonna be 'for real.'" I say.
"I will not stay any longer! Come on Donald! Gerard you too!" Mrs. Way yells. Mr. Way gets up and rushes to her side and they go to the door. Gerard takes his sweet time getting up and when he passes me, he turns around and bends down to me, kissing me again, causing Mrs. Way to gasp.
"Bye!" I yell and wave to them. Of course only Gerard waves back. I turn to my parents and laugh.
"You are a disgrace!" Mom says.
"Hell yeah fucker!" I yell and shuffle up stairs.
I got under the covers and just thought of how happy Gerard made me. Am I a slut? I only just met him. Nah.
--------------------WADDUP------------
Hey sorry this took so fucking long and I'm sorry that it sucks- I love you person reading this🍓🍕🗿❤️
This is for prettydun and I-am-Mills-64 and rainbowsandshit
