BUTTERFLY

I

Two years had passed

but the memories of him are still fresh and living in our hearts.

His rectangular smiles that never fade.

His childish acts that make us laugh.

His random thoughts that always leave us puzzled.

His deep voice that always fills the room.

And his innocence that makes me want to take care of him more.

But he's gone.

And he's not coming back.

I stared at our 'family picture' for the nth time. Reminiscing the past. Where the 'old Bangtan' is still alive. Where we can smile and laugh and sing and dance like there's no tomorrow. The Bangtan that most people knew. The funny and energetic that our ARMYs adore.

Will 'that' Bangtan come back?

No.

Without one member, we are not Bangtan anymore. I took a deep sigh on that thought. Then I just felt a pat on my shoulder that brought me back to my senses.

"Hyung, we must leave now." Jimin uttered.

I stared at him. His eyes that he used to call his charm has lost its glow.

Poor kid.
Poor us.

Tears formed in my eyes when I suddenly remembered how these two, young people became best of friends.

These 95liners that were inseparable.

They're partners in crime.

They were.

I bit my lip and hold my tears back. I should be strong for them.

For him.

I nodded and we headed to the company car where the others are waiting. Silence consumes us all. No one dares to talk. Like we used to. But I know, we are thinking about one person. Mourning about him. Grieving about his loss. Until we arrived to the place where it was started. And everything ends. They got out from the car and sit at the edge of the rusty iron bridge. I leaned on the car while watching my members looking fixedly at the spot where he fell.

I broke down. And bursted into tears.

"Im sorry! It was all my fault! Im really sorry!"
"No hyung! It was an accident." Jungkook runs and kneels. Then he hugs me tight.

The other members walk towards me and kneel as well. I looked at them. This guilt is killing me. I can't help it.

"Hyung, im sorry. Im the one who should be fell and drowned. Not him!" I cried to Jin hyung who's wiping his tears.
"Don't blame yourself Namjoonnie. D-don't." He said and caressed my hair.

I stood up.

"NO. IT'S MY FAULT. I KNOW, DEEP INSIDE, YOU GUYS ARE BLAMING ME!" Jimin and Hobi just looked away. Suddenly, I felt a pain on my left cheek and blood's dripping from the side of my lips.

"YOU THINK HE'LL BE HAPPY IF HE SEES US LIKE THIS?! NO ONE'S BLAMING ANYONE. WE SHOULD SURVIVE. FOR HIM. IT'S BEEN FUCKING TWO YEARS!" Suga hyung roared.

Then silence struck us again. Only the cold winter breeze, rhythmic percussion of waves and our mute woes bespeak.

No one cuts the silence 'til we arrived the dorm. I went directly to my room and threw myself on the bed. I shot a glance on the window and something that stuck on the pane caught my attention. I stood up hastily to open the window and touches its wings, but it flies away. A smile curved on my lips.

And i don't know why.

Then I sit in front of my working table and grab the notebook I didn't open for two years. I took a deep sigh first and starts writing something.

***